My earliest memories of Mother’s Day (in the 1960s) are of my mother and the other mothers at my church wearing a corsage; similarly, my father and other fathers wore a boutonniere at church on Father’s Day. That tradition faded in the 1970s (at least where I went to church), but mothers and fathers were always acknowledged on their respective special days, usually by the pastor at least asking them to stand up while the rest of the congregation clapped. This acknowledgment was, in fact, one of many things that made me look forward to getting married and being a father someday.
Fast-forward to the 1990s, when my church (a different one) gave my wife and other mothers chocolate and/or a rose on their special day. On Father’s Day, I and the other fathers more than once received a giant cookie; one year, each of us received a can of Dad’s Root Beer! I enjoyed the creativity! However, several years into the new millennium, things began to change, most notably on Mother’s Day. Mothers were no longer given chocolate or a rose (my wife didn’t mind), but more importantly, the acknowledgment of mothers went something like this: “Today we want to celebrate all of the mothers and grandmothers here. We also want to acknowledge those women who want to be mothers, but who until now have not been blessed in that way; we acknowledge their pain. We also acknowledge those women who have suffered the devastating pain of losing children, as well as those who are unable to bear children. We acknowledge those who will become mothers in the future, as well as those women who are mother figures to others, including as mentors. We acknowledge and celebrate all women!” Later, when my wife and I discussed this, we agreed that by the end of all the acknowledgments, motherhood had been diluted to the point of being nearly meaningless. This is not to say that we ignore the kinds of pain mentioned above; neither do we dismiss the reality of those girls and women who will become mothers in the future. It doesn’t mean that we don’t value mentorship, either; we do! In fact, our daughter has been the beneficiary of mentorship by a couple of women in that church. We just think that Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate mothers; being one is hard work, day after day!
I was not surprised last month to see that there is a movement toward making Mother’s Day more “inclusive.” I noticed the phrases “diversity of family structures” and “chosen families” on more than one website, which would include kids with “two moms,” for example. I also noticed, even on a couple of denominational church websites, the inclusion of trans women on Mother’s Day; I suppose this could “include” those who fathered a child before transitioning, or those who adopted a child. I have had some concerns that the church I wrote about in the previous paragraph could move in this direction; however, they just confirmed their new lead pastor (who will be taking over next month), and I’m encouraged by some of the things he’s said in response to questions from that congregation.
At my current church, we celebrate mothers and fathers in a big way on their special day. On Mother’s Day last month, all women were given a rose and a homemade cupcake; there were photos galore following the service; and then the men and teens served everyone a potluck meal that we had prepared. I should add that our social hall was specially decorated as well. (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the cupcakes and some of the decorations were prepared by a couple of mothers!) One of our bulletin announcements (which was also read from the pulpit) read in part as follows: “Today is Mother’s Day; may God bestow His special blessings upon every mother! Let us also take this opportunity to express our love and gratitude to our mothers!” I don’t know everything that is being planned for Father’s Day this month, but I know that many of the elements of Mother’s Day last month will be part of it–minus the roses, I trust! In truth, my wife and I wouldn’t mind somewhat scaled-down versions of these special days at our church; however, we are willing to go along with what the vast majority want to do.
I hope this can be a time for you to remember and honor your mother and father. I did not have a close relationship with my father, but one thing he modeled for me was love for my mother. I know that some people have been abused by their father and/or mother; if this describes you, maybe this can be a time for you to start working through forgiveness, if you never have. Even though my father was not abusive, I eventually learned to forgive him for what he was not able to give me. If your parents are still alive and you are still in contact, I pray that you will bless them by affirming your love for them.
I’m okay with being sensitive to the pain of women who have lost children or were unable to have them. Mother’s Day is no doubt a hard day for them, and they should be included in our prayers. Taking it to the trans level is a little much, though. :/ As for future moms and dads, let them look on and look forward to it, as you did. It’s not as if we know every young person is going to be a parent, or which ones. What’s next – people who could have been parents but for whatever reason decided not to? Not everything has to be “inclusive” of everybody. That kind of inclusivity makes a special event … well, unspecial.
Thanks, Ann. An increasing number of millennials have decided that they don’t want to get married; maybe that will change when they’re in their 40s–which some of them already are. When we try to become inclusive of seemingly every female, Mother’s Day becomes “unspecial,” as you put it–or “meaningless,” as I put it. And including trans women in this context is simply wrong.
Thank you for sharing, Keith. I remember the days of corsages and boutonniere as well. There is so much about that time that I miss. Both of my parents have gone to be with the Lord and I miss both. I am looking forward to a reunion with them some day.
A modern psychologist has said that “Parents used to have lots of children. Now children have lots of parents.” It is too bad that things have shifted so far away from what I experienced in 1970. Then, as a 12 year old newspaper boy, I delivered to about 120 homes. Of the homes I delivered to only a few didn’t have a mom and dad and kids in it. One lady was a widow and another man was single that I recall. I’m not saying things were perfect. I heard arguments at times and there were homes where I could feel tension when I would go to do my monthly collection. Still, it seemed like a much better time for children in general.
I admire the single mom or single dad who is raising kids on their own. There are also so many ungodly situations where kids are being raised today that I wonder about how those young ones will do in the future.
In any case, thank you for reminding me of my folks. I was just looking at their picture the other day and thinking how blessed I was to have parents like them.
God’s blessings…
Thanks for sharing, Chris; the words of that psychologist convey wisdom and discernment. In general, I agree that the 1960s and ’70s were better for kids in general than now: living in an intact family with a mom and a dad (like you and I both had), rather than in all different kinds of family structures now, most of them not as good, to put it mildly. As you alluded to, single-parent family homes nowadays can be some of the best–as long as that single parent doesn’t have a parade of romantic interests.
Like you in regard to your parents, I am looking forward to seeing mine again in heaven when the Lord takes me home.
You’re welcome, Keith, and thank you for this thoughtful reply. I hope this generation of kids gets to experience something like I did on the West Coast as a teenager. So many young people were becoming believers in the 70s’ and I would go to Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa (over an hour away from where I lived) besides my own church. Young people need the same simple Gospel message that attracted so many back then. It’s really a shame so many of the mainstream churches have lost their way. It happened once in my life so I know it can happen again. The reason I know it was real was that a good number of those who started reading their Bibles back then are still reading them today.
Again, thank you for this post, Keith.
Thanks, Chris. Our society is very different now, but it’s possible that what you describe from the ’70s can happen again. One thing I have noticed is that young people who come to saving faith in Christ seem to be firm in it; as you alluded to, reading and studying the Bible is paramount. I think that things are likely to get worse before they get better, but I believe the American church will ultimately emerge stronger.
You’re welcome, Keith, and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree that things are likely to get worse before they get better and I hope I’m wrong. I hope you are right about Christians in America. Polls have the number of those who have a Biblical worldview as low as it has ever been. There really is no place to go but up.
God’s blessings…
Thanks, Chris; I always enjoy conversing with you! Some of my favorite verses in the Bible are ones that include the phrase “Stand firm,” such as 1 Corinthians 15:58 and 1 Corinthians 16:13. (My church recently finished a sermon series on 1 Corinthians.) Regardless of what happens, may all of us who love the Lord stand firm to the end.