Self-Marriage and Other “Marriages”

A good friend of mine recently sent me a link to an article about self-marriage (also known as sologamy) ceremonies, something I had never heard of before. Self-Marriage Unveiled, a 10-Week Initiation into Sacred Union, says this: “Every week for 10 weeks, you will receive an email with a theme, question, ceremonial practice, and writing about Self-Marriage to inspire you to go deeper. These self-inquiry practices will guide you into writing vows during week 7 and marrying yourself in your own ceremony in week 9.” This is not free, of course: it will cost you $200. The program is clearly geared toward women, which is no surprise: all of the testimonials/reflections on their website are from women; here is the link: http://www.selfmarriageceremonies.com/ However, there are men who have also married themselves.

It turns out, however, that even a marriage to yourself is not without its problems. Brazilian influencer Suellen Carey divorced herself after one year, explaining that she had even gone to therapy to fix the issues in her marriage, but the loneliness got to be too much for her. She says, “Now is the time to open my heart to new possibilities, including the chance to find a partner.” There are two things in particular that jumped out at me: one was the reference to her loneliness; the other is that she is now looking for a partner, obviously to relieve the loneliness that her self-marriage couldn’t.

After I shared the above link with my Sunday-school class, one of my brothers sent me a link to yet another new phenomenon: hologram marriages. Alicia Framis, a 57-year-old Spanish woman, is marrying a hologram named AILex; interestingly, she also mentions loneliness in a blog post. She says, “Love and sex with robots and holograms are an inevitable reality. They make great companions and are capable of expressing empathy.” Here is the link to the article: https://interestingengineering.com/culture/first-woman-marry-ai-hologram

While we can laugh and shake our heads (and I do) at self-marriages and hologram marriages, decrying the narcissism inherent in them, it is obvious that people like Suellen Carey and Alicia Framis are incredibly lonely; it is no surprise that both make reference to loneliness.

As I was researching this, another kind of marriage that came to mind was same-sex marriage, which was first legalized in 2001 by the Netherlands. 23 years later, there are 36 countries where same-sex marriage is legal; you can see a map here: https://www.hrc.org/resources/marriage-equality-around-the-world You’ll notice that a very large number of Caucasian-majority countries are included, as well as more of South America than I expected.

A fourth kind of marriage is polygamy, which has been around since very early recorded history. Depending on your source, there are currently between 47 and 58 countries where polygamy is legal. You can see a map here: https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/countries-where-polygamy-is-legal It’s no surprise that the vast majority of these countries are Muslim-dominant. It wouldn’t surprise me if polygamy becomes legal in the U.S. someday; LDS-dominant Utah has already decriminalized it.

How are we to evaluate all of this? If you’re a Christian, as I am, you need to look to the Bible. Way back in Genesis 2:24, God says, “For this reason a man will leave his mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” In Ephesians 5:22-33, the Apostle Paul gives instructions to husbands and wives. Verse 33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” The Bible makes it clear that marriage is between one man and one woman. However, there are some critics who point to the fact that in the Old Testament, even godly King David, a man after God’s own heart, had at least eight wives and thus was a polygamist. Oh, and his son, wise King Solomon, had 700 wives (plus 300 concubines). While it is true that both David and Solomon were polygamists, does that mean the Lord approved of this practice? That would be like saying that the Lord approved of Jacob (whose name was later changed to “Israel”) for deceiving and then directly lying to his father Isaac so that he could get the birthright, and the blessings that went with it, instead of his brother Esau. In other words, just because something is in the Bible without direct consequences for it, that doesn’t mean the Lord approves of it. When we look at the Bible as a whole, it is very clear that the Lord does not approve of either polygamy or deceit/lying.

Regarding the other three types of marriage mentioned earlier: as much as the LGBTQ community might like to have the church’s recognition and even approval of same-sex marriages, we can’t give it to them because the Lord Himself doesn’t. They have the legal right to marry, and that should be enough. (Yes, I am aware that there are churches that not only approve of such marriages, but even officiate such weddings; the leaders of those churches will have to answer to the Lord, and I would not want to be in their shoes.) Regarding self-marriage and hologram marriage: while I can understand the deep loneliness that drives people into such “marriages,” they are fundamentally a reflection of narcissism, a self-love that is diametrically opposed to what the Bible teaches about loving others. Here is what Philippians 2:3-4 says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

May we who know the Lord speak the truth in love to those we know, including those who have marriage views and practices that the Lord does not approve of.