Are Christians Obligated to Forgive, No Matter What?

Several years ago, my house was broken into. The burglars took some of our keys, our wallets, and an old laptop that didn’t work anymore. Thankfully, we discovered the break-in very quickly (it wasn’t very obvious, but they weren’t in the house very long, either); as a result, the burglars were able to make only a couple small credit-card purchases before I canceled the cards. Furthermore, we got all of the money back that was stolen via those purchases, so in the end, the thieves got only a couple hundred dollars. On the other hand, they took away a lot of our time as we had to change our locks and buy “clubs” for our cars, in addition to canceling cards.

Around that same time, a close friend of mine asked me, “Are we required to do something that even God doesn’t do?” That “something” he was referring to was forgiving, no matter what. His question and the break-in got me thinking, and for quite some time, I have been studying Scripture as well as what other people have had to say about it.

First of all, was my friend’s assumption about God right? Another way of posing this question is: Does God forgive everyone, no matter what? More specifically, for example, does God forgive even unbelievers who never repent? If you read the Bible, you will find that repentance and forgiveness are always linked. For example, Jesus tells us in Luke 24:47, “Repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.” Acts 2:38 says, “Peter replied, ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.'” God is clear throughout the Bible: He does not forgive without our repentance. If He did, I suppose every single person who has ever existed would go to heaven!

Now let’s move on to my friend’s penetrating question: Does God require us to forgive no matter what, even though He doesn’t? I think a good place to start is in Luke 17:3-4, where Jesus tells us, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Matthew 18 has a very similar passage; in verse 15, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” He goes on to say that if your brother will not listen, take along one or two witnesses, and if he still doesn’t listen, tell it to the church; finally, if he still doesn’t listen, treat him like an unbeliever. In verse 21, Peter asks, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” In verse 22, we have Jesus’ answer: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Putting these passages together, notice that Jesus tells us to go to our brother and tell him how he has wronged us; if he repents, then we need to forgive him. This is the point of the parable of the unmerciful servant, which immediately follows Peter’s question and Jesus’ answer. In the parable, a man owes the king millions of dollars, but the king cancels the debt when the man begs him. The man then finds another man who owes him a few dollars and has him thrown in prison. When the king hears about it, he is very angry and has the first man thrown into prison and tortured. Scripture is very clear that when someone asks for forgiveness, we are to grant it.

In Matthew 5:44, Jesus tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. In Romans 12:19-21, Paul expands on this: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” In other words, we are to treat our enemies with kindness; one of the great theologians of the last fifty years, R.C. Sproul (now in heaven), said that the “burning coals” refer to either shame or God’s judgment; in other words, when you treat your enemy with kindness, he will feel shame, and he may even repent! If he doesn’t repent, he will face God’s judgment. Regardless, we are not to seek revenge against anyone but to leave it to the Lord.

Some have pointed out what Jesus Himself said from the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” We also have the example of Stephen, the first martyr, who forgave those who were stoning him to death; in Acts 7:60, he says, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” It has been inferred from these two examples that we should always forgive. Interestingly, in Revelation 6:10 we have the words of the souls of martyrs in heaven who say something very different: “They called out in a loud voice, ‘How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?'” These martyrs are asking the Lord to avenge them, which is in line with Romans 12:19, quoted earlier. And notice where they are: in heaven! I love what R.C. Sproul said about Jesus’ words on the cross: From that example of Jesus, it has been inferred that Christians must always forgive all offenses against them, even when repentance is not offered. However, the most that we can legitimately infer from Jesus’ actions on that occasion is that we have the right to forgive people unilaterally. Though that may be indeed a wonderful thing, it is not commanded. Notice R.C.’s insight; we have the right to forgive someone unilaterally (without their apology and/or repentance), but we are not commanded to do so.

I thought of the mass shooting of nine parishioners at Mother Emanuel AME Church in 2015 and the responses of some of the survivors and family members; the media reported that many forgave the murderer, but at least in some cases, their words of forgiveness were combined with words of hope that he would repent. I also thought about a story that I read more than forty years ago of a believer who had unspeakable things done to her, but who forgave her attacker unilaterally. However, as R.C. said, this unilateral forgiveness is not a command. If we regard it as such, we may find ourselves admonishing other believers who have had even horrible things done to them to forgive. That is not something they have to do unless the Holy Spirit tells them to!

One aspect of forgiveness that is overlooked and which I am very grateful to Dr. Guy Richard (President and Associate Professor of Systematic Theology at Reformed Theological Seminary in Atlanta) for writing about is this: forgiveness is relational; in other words, whether it’s between a person and the Lord, or between two people, true forgiveness is about a relationship; when it happens, it results in reconciliation and the restoration of the relationship. It doesn’t mean that there are no changes in the relationship, but it means that it can continue. You can read more about what Dr. Richard wrote here: https://guymrichard.com/2023/04/do-we-still-need-to-forgive-even-if-they-never-apologize/

Much more could be said, for example, about unilateral forgiveness of someone who has died, someone whose location you have no knowledge of, or even someone whose identity you don’t know. When I began thinking about this question regarding forgiveness, I had thought of it in terms of whether believers are obligated to forgive unbelievers. However, it evolved into a better question, which is irrespective of the other person’s faith or lack thereof. In that regard, I have told the Lord more than once that if someday, one of the burglars that I mentioned at the outset comes to my house and confesses, I will freely forgive him. If he offers me some money, I will accept it (for his sake, not mine), and I will not report him to law enforcement.

When I was a young boy, one of my brothers once told me that I was a “vengeful little bugger.” It’s true that I enjoyed “getting back at” people and that I used to hang on to my resentment and bitterness. Thank the Lord, I have become more forgiving over time; one shining example of a person who forgives very readily is my wife, and I know that her example is one reason for this. While I am very rarely a unilateral forgiver, when I experience forgiveness, whether I am the offended or the offender, the sweetness of it makes me want to do it ever more readily. May all of us who profess the name of Christ be shining examples of those who both receive and extend forgiveness.