Do You Regret Having Kids?

Earlier this week, influencer Chappell Roan sparked a firestorm when she commented, “All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone, I actually don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children, at this age [under 6]. I have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who’s slept.” She joked that she doesn’t know why her parents had kids; she’s 27 and has three younger siblings. (Are you thankful, Chappell Roan, that your parents had you?!)

Roan’s comment seems to imply that at least some of her friends regret having kids, which prompted me to investigate the main reasons that some parents have this regret. An article by Julia Pugachevsky on businessinsider.com highlighted six common reasons why people regret having kids, even if they had really wanted them in the first place.

1. Loss of independence. This has a lot to do with the loss of freedom.

2. The cost of childcare. The average annual cost of childcare is around $11,000. Here I would add the cost of raising a child for those of us who don’t put our kids in daycare.

3. Not having a good relationship with the other parent. This needs no explanation.

4. Experiencing postpartum depression. I found it interesting that this can also apply to men.

5. The timing. This usually has to do with having kids when you’re “too young.”

6. Fear of the future. Another way of expressing this is uncertainty about the future.

I would add at least one other prominent reason:

7. Ungrateful, unhelpful, complaining, demanding kids. I will give examples in a bit.

I also looked at other websites and found plenty of specific examples of people who had regrets about having children. In August of 2021, Amatullah Shaw posted an article on buzzfeed.com about 15 parents who regret having kids. https://www.buzzfeed.com/amatullahshaw/parents-are-sharing-regret

  • Toomanykidsnotenoughtime (a mother) says, “There are times that I long for a life without kids to go back to the life I had before, where things felt simpler.” This is a combination of reasons 1 and 5 (above); she decided to have kids shortly after graduating from college. In addition, one of her kids has a disability.
  • Shortp (a mother) says, “I often regret having him because we are poor, in massive crippling debt, and living with an inconsiderate family member.” She also says, “Lately he is mean and tells me he hates me when I tell him no.” The first part includes the expense of raising a child (Reason 2); the second part highlights reason 7.
  • Thedeleted73 (a father) says, “The relationship with my daughter is fine, but my son (15) has become a bully and a liar who wants nothing to do with me.” (Reason 7) Also, “If you’re going to have kids, do it with someone you love and expect to grow old with.” (Reason 3)
  • Anonymous (a mother) says, “Having a toddler has tested my patience like nothing else, and I struggle with my anger. I feel like having a child was the worst decision I ever made. I had a truly fulfilling life before, traveling the world and working in a job I loved that tested me intellectually every day.” (Reason 1)
  • Irishcream412 sometimes regrets bringing her/his child into the world because people are awful to each other as well as concerns about resource depletion and pollution. (Reason 6)
  • Anonymous says, “[I] love my kids but don’t like them as people. I made them but can’t wait for them to leave. So messed up.” (Reason 7)

However, there are some people who regret not having kids. Hannah Loewentheil on buzzfeed.com (Sept. 26, 2024) posted an article about whether parents regret having–or not having–children. https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahloewentheil/regrets-about-parenthood I will focus primarily on two groups of people: those who regret not having had kids and those who at a younger age were adamant about not having kids, but then changed their minds:

  • Anjali L. shares how she had never wanted kids. However, “My son is a wonderful little boy who has changed me. He is so sweet even when I am impatient, forcing me to change. I fell more in love with my husband when I saw what a loving father he is to him.” She found that she loved her son–as well as what sounds like a great husband and father!
  • Rodney T. says, “Now, at 61, for the first time in my life, I think about what will happen when I die. It makes me sad to think that not too long afterward, I’ll probably just be a vague memory for a few people. All the ‘stuff’ I’ve accumulated all these years will be in the landfill or Goodwill, and all this was just a waste. I think about how much I missed being revered as Dad.” I find this insightful, but very sad.
  • Stayce also says something very poignant: “I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I will never have a child who I will see get married, and I’ll never have grandchildren. That breaks my heart.”
  • AT S. says, “I often worry about living a lonesome, empty life, still single now and without any family to call my own. Being an aunt and a teacher is not the same as having had my children in this life. I suppose? The moment has passed me by, and I have remorsefully found myself in utter regret.”
  • Donna M. knew “for sure” that she didn’t want to have children; however, she did, and now she says, “Today, when I look at my daughter, my sweet Kira, I can’t imagine my life without her. I am so glad I changed my mind.”

It’s clear that people can have regrets either for having kids–or for not having kids. For myself, even as a young boy, I looked forward to being married and having kids; I think a lot of this had to do with my parents’ great relationship, although I didn’t understand that until I became an adult. I had heard over and over that children were a gift from the Lord, so even as an unsaved boy, I understood Psalm 127:3: “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.“ My wife and I have two of those gifts, now both adults. At times, they have driven me crazy! I have been angry, exasperated, and confused at times, but regardless, I have loved them.

I hear a lot of people say, “I just want my kids to be happy.” What I want above all is to see my kids walking with the Lord–and thankfully, they are. That doesn’t mean they’re perfect or always easy to interact with, however! I have written before about my daughter, who has presented special challenges to my wife and me because she is on the autism spectrum (high-functioning); you can read about her here: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2023/07/13/adventures-in-autism/ We don’t understand why the Lord made her this way, but with His help, we have learned over the years how to love her better, however imperfectly; additionally, the church that we are a part of has been very loving to her. She will be taking a big step of independence soon, with her own apartment just a few miles away from us, and she is excited about that. Regarding my son: I couldn’t be happier that he has become a student of the Word and a Bible-study leader at his church.

As I was doing research for this post, one negative that came up more than once was having a spouse who is either not involved, or involved negatively, in the raising of the kids. In contrast, I have been blessed with a great wife, and my kids have been blessed with a great mother. One thing we like to do when our son comes home for a visit is to reminisce while at the same time creating new memories. If you have kids, regardless of their (and your!) current age, my prayer for you is that you will also create special memories that will last a lifetime. If you are married but don’t want to have kids now, that may change some day. And if you are single and want to stay that way, without kids, perhaps 1 Corinthians 7:8 applies to you: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” Regardless, if you know the Lord, may you continue to seek His will for your life.

Enjoying Hiking at Any Age

My wife has accounts on a couple of national park forums. First of all, she loves looking at photos, whether from places we’ve been or places we haven’t (yet). Second, there are plenty of people who are seeking advice; these tend to be those who are planning to visit a given national park for the first time. My wife enjoys telling such people about some of our favorite places to visit as well as the best times to do so. She has also gotten advice about places we haven’t found yet.

Some of the most interesting posts that my wife has told me about are those in which the poster is a parent who is planning to take their teen(s) hiking–and perhaps camping–but the teens have little or no interest in doing so. One mom, for example, wrote excitedly about how she was planning a trip for her family, including hiking at a national park they had never been to; this was especially to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. However, she admitted that her daughter didn’t enjoy hiking. Another mom wrote that she was planning a rather major vacation to the other side of the country–but neither her husband nor her son had much interest in hiking, which is something she wanted to do.

When I have talked to people about some of our favorite places to hike, it usually doesn’t take long to figure out whether this is a topic they’re interested in or not. For some, their vision of hiking is something long, laborious, and tiring–and possibly dangerous; even just driving there in the first place can be time-consuming, which I don’t deny. Some have the idea that hiking means overnight backpacking in the wilderness with no restrooms and a lot of discomfort. Some have said they would like to, but they have teens who have no interest in doing so; others have said their kids are “too young.”

I grew up in a family that went camping and hiking almost every summer; my wife grew up in a family that never did, although thankfully, she had other opportunities for hiking with others. Interestingly, when our kids were very young, my wife was the one who wanted us to take them not just hiking, but camping. I thought it would be a lot of work, especially since our daughter was not completely potty-trained yet. However, she coaxed me into a one-night tent-camping experience about an hour away. It was OK except for my sore back, so we bought a large foam camping pad for our next time, which happened a year later and was for two nights. In contrast to the year before, it was very cold and rainy–and by the time we left for home two days later, it was hailing. To top it off, there were a lot of mosquitoes, and after our first night, when I took our three-year-old daughter out into the sunlight, she started crying. In spite of all the discomforts, my son (six at the time) still says that was his favorite camping experience! A lot of that had to do with the fact that we were camping with two families (including my sister’s) who had a lot of experience. They were able, for example, to make campfires in spite of the rain.

Over the following 13 summers, we camped–and hiked–in almost every one of them, in various parks in various states. Over time, of course, we became more experienced, and we learned various things to make it more enjoyable. One non-negotiable: we always camped at a campground so that we would have easy access to restrooms and showers. Another non-negotiable, unless they weren’t allowed, was campfires. Some of our trips were enhanced by taking other families with us, often ones that had never done it before. We also learned the importance of not always “finishing” a given hike, depending on the ages of our kids and the experience, or lack thereof, of others that we had with us.

The summer before our son started college was the last time we camped. (My wife and I were starting to feel old!) The following summer, he and two of his buddies did it on their own; that was when I knew he had made camping, and especially hiking, part of his life.

I realize tent-camping is not for everyone, but I think hiking can be–even if you have grumbling teens who have never done it! Here are a few suggestions if you have never been hiking:

  • Plan where and how far you’re going to hike–and remember that it’s usually a round trip! Consider not necessarily “finishing” a hike, depending on the people you have with you.
  • Have a “payoff,” also known as the “wow factor.” Almost everyone, for example, enjoys a waterfall; I enjoy any water, whether it’s a waterfall, a river, a stream, or the ocean–not just the sight, but the sound. Awesome scenic lookouts are also a major plus. “Maximum ratio of beauty to effort” is the way my math-teaching wife puts it.
  • Seeing animals in their natural habitat is another major payoff. It always gives me a thrill when I see them while hiking; the three bull moose on a trail at Glacier NP in Montana come to mind. Sometimes we make a special trip primarily to see animals; the elephant seals at Piedras Blancas (CA coast) come to mind.
  • Encourage putting away phones; this may save someone’s life (!) as well as enhance enjoyment of natural beauty. Besides, in some places, there’s no or intermittent cell reception.
  • Stop often enough, especially for snacking, and take plenty of water.

I have met many people who have enjoyed being in nature just for the beauty of it, in and of itself. For me, it has been an opportunity to give praise to the Lord God, the Creator of it all; in fact, some of my best times of worship have been in nature. Psalm 104 is a marvelous chapter in the Bible which gives a lot of specifics about His creation. Here are just a few in verses 10-13: “He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains. They give water to all the beasts of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst. The birds of the sky nest by the waters; they sing among the branches. He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; the land is satisfied by the fruit of his work.”

If you have young kids (or grandkids!), I can almost guarantee their delight in being out in nature. And even if you have teens who don’t seem interested, they may grudgingly admit later that they enjoyed it, especially if you include the “wow factor.” And the same can be true for you even if you don’t consider yourself a “hiker.”

The Favored Gender?

Two of my closest friends both have a young son who is in the process of transitioning to become a woman; I also have an elderly friend who I recently found out is in that same process. In contrast, I don’t know any women who are transitioning to become men. These people, along with things I’ve read, caused me to wonder whether there are significantly more MTFs (males transitioning to females) than FTMs (females transitioning to males), at least in the U.S.

Depending on your source, the percentages and ratios of MTFs and FTMs differ, but what is consistent is that MTFs outnumber FTMs, in many cases significantly. The UCLA School of Law Williams Institute has reported that of the 1.3 million American adults who identify as transgender, 38.5% are transgender women, while 35.9% are transgender men; the remaining 25.6% identify as “gender nonconforming.” The Kaiser Family Foundation reports that 22% of trans adults identify as trans women and 12% identify as trans men; the majority of trans adults identify as “nonbinary.” The UCSF Dept. of Medicine estimates that worldwide, there are at least three times as many trans women as trans men. In summary, ways of counting and estimating differ, but regardless, it seems clear that trans women significantly outnumber trans men, not just in the U.S., but worldwide.

One of the friends that I mentioned earlier told me that his son now identifies as a woman because women are the “favored gender.” Since my wife and I are both retired professors, this comment caused me to investigate college/university scholarships. Not to my surprise, there are very significantly more scholarships designated only for women than only for men. Some sources estimate that the ratio is as high as 11:1, meaning that if you’re a woman, your potential sources of financial aid greatly outnumber those of a man. I find this troubling, particularly given that undergraduate female students outnumber undergraduate male students 58% to 42%. The disparity is even greater at graduate student levels, where women outnumber men 61% to 39%. It seems to me that at this point in our history, we ought to be providing an increasing number of incentives for men to attend college/university. It also seems to me that these stats are likely to incentivize a lot more people to “identify” as women than as men. Thankfully, some universities have been pressured into eliminating some women-only scholarships, but a large disparity remains.

One area in which a trans woman is more “favored” than a trans man is in sports. Trans women have been “besting” biological women for years now; in fact, this month marks three years since Lia Thomas, a trans woman who had been mediocre in men’s swimming, tied Riley Gaines for fifth place in the women’s 200-meter NCAA swimming championships. Sometimes, it’s not just a matter of winning or not, as volleyball player Payton McNabb found out in 2022; she was permanently injured when a trans woman on the opposing team spiked the ball into her head. In a related story, last year six women volleyball teams forfeited their tournament games against San Jose State University because of the presence of a trans woman named Blaire Fleming on that team. Ultimately, and thankfully, they lost the Mountain West tournament final to Colorado State.

These examples from the world of women’s sports illustrate that trans women have a natural advantage over biological women. I think that almost everyone, whether they admit it or not, understand the inherent unfairness in allowing trans women to compete in women’s sports. Thankfully, last month the NCAA changed its policy, limiting competition in women’s sports to student-athletes assigned female at birth only. This will also prevent students who identify as women but were assigned male at birth from using women’s restrooms. Over time, this policy should also spread to restrooms in other public buildings.

Socially, it’s not hard to see how it could be seen as more beneficial to be a woman than a man. Have you ever heard of “toxic femininity?” Me, neither. “Toxic masculinity,” on the other hand, has become almost a catchphrase, at least in some segments of American society. WebMD is careful to say that the term “toxic masculinity” isn’t meant to imply that the idea of masculinity in itself is inherently bad; however, it’s not hard to see how people could easily make that inference, regardless of the motivation for doing so. Traditionally, boys were raised to understand that they should respect and protect girls and women, but that is not something that contemporary American society seems to value.

Personally, I’m thankful to be a man, for multiple reasons. One that has come into focus over the past couple years is the ability to do physical labor, such as carrying things, setting up tables, and the like. Although my church has plenty of godly men, a number of them have back injuries or other physical limitations that prevent them from helping more in that way. Since I don’t, that is an area where I can easily help–and I enjoy it!

What does the Bible have to say about all of this? First of all, men and women are equal in God’s sight; we see this, for example, in Galatians 3:28, which says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” In other words, salvation is available to anyone who puts their faith and trust in Jesus. At the same time, there are different roles for men and women in some different contexts, most obviously marriage; Ephesians 5:22-23 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” There is a lot of misunderstanding of submission, but my wife has said that she thinks most Christian women will willingly submit to a man who exhibits servant leadership. I should add that at my church, couples joke about the husband being the head, but the wife being the neck!

Regarding transgenderism: Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created him.” There are two genders, and God never, ever makes a mistake; you are what God made you, as King David tells us in Psalm 139: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

Whether you are male or female, if you are reading this and do not yet know the Lord, I pray that you will turn to Him in saving faith today.

Celebration of a Long Life or a Long Marriage?

My wife and I are part of a church which is very largely Asian. (She is Asian (American-born); I’m not.) Periodically, we have a guest preacher. A few weeks ago, one of them (a Caucasian) mentioned in a sermon that he has been married 68 years; I heard a few “oohs” and aahs.” Later in the same sermon, he mentioned that he is 94 years old; the response of the congregation was loud applause. I found the contrasting responses to his long-lasting marriage and long life perplexing, even a little disturbing.

When my wife and I discussed this later, she said that the applause for the preacher’s long life was “reflexive.” In other words, since childhood, at church and in other similar group situations, Asian Americans have celebrated long life. Somewhat in contrast, a lifelong marriage is something to be expected, while divorce is frowned upon and is still seen as even shameful. The acknowledgment of wedding anniversaries, if it happens at all, is comparatively low-key. I have noticed this in an app that our church members use to communicate. One of the groups that my wife and I are a part of is a married couples’ group. Birthdays are always acknowledged, and most members write specific words of encouragement to the person; this rarely happens with wedding anniversaries.

I decided to do some research regarding American life expectancy and divorce among the four broad racial groups. What I found did not surprise me:

  • Asians: life expectancy, 84.5 years; divorce rate, 12.7%
  • Hispanics: life expectancy, 80.0 years; divorce rate, 26.7%
  • Whites: life expectancy, 77.5 years; divorce rate, 35.3%
  • Blacks: life expectancy, 72.8 years; divorce rate, 38.8%

I’m sure you have noticed a very distinct correlation: those who remain married are likely to have a longer life; I had also read before in various sources that longer marriages are correlated with longer lives (regardless of race). A word of explanation regarding the divorce rate percentages: they indicate those Americans who have ever been divorced. Depending on your source, you will find different ways of calculating the divorce rate, but regardless of the specifics, you will usually find that the above American racial trends hold true. One caveat: given the trend among both millennials and Zoomers (Gen Z) to delay marriage–and perhaps never marry–it will be interesting to see over time whether this affects their life expectancy.

One might think that Asian Americans have the best of both worlds: they live long lives and are significantly less likely to get divorced than the other racial groups. However, anecdotally at least, Asian Americans are more likely to live apart than other American racial groups, sometimes for months or even years at a time–usually for educational, financial, or family-of-origin reasons. The husband, for example, pursues a degree in another state or country. Or, in a closely related example, he works in another state–or even country–for some time because of the opportunity to make more money for the family. Another scenario is where the wife heads back to her home country to care for aging parents. My wife and I have both known Asian couples like these and have heard of many others. For a typical Caucasian American (at least speaking for myself), such an extended multi-month or especially multi-year separation would be almost unthinkable, increasing the likelihood of divorce. Somehow, older generations of Asian American couples have at least made this scenario “work,” although it hardly means that they have a close relationship. My guess is that for the youngest generations, these kinds of extended separations are going to become less likely.

Regarding the differing reactions our congregation had to the preacher’s long marriage vs. long life, I should add that in Asian cultures, the elderly are to be respected. My wife explained that this helps to understand those reactions. In other words, if you are “old,” we will accord you an even higher degree of respect. This goes along with the old adage that with greater age comes greater wisdom, something I heard more than once as I was growing up. In contemporary American society as a whole, that kind of respect for the elderly is not so widespread, to put it mildly.

As I have further analyzed my thoughts and feelings regarding these differing reactions, I can summarize them like this: if a person has a long life, it is a gift from God. We can certainly do basic things like eating right and exercising regularly, but that is very far from a “guarantee” that we will have a long life. Having a long marriage, however, requires a good deal of work on the part of both husband and wife in contemporary American society, where divorce is so easy and common. Even in the American church, the divorce rate is about the same as society as a whole.

At the church that my wife and I used to be part of, one thing that they did right was acknowledging, on an annual basis, the anniversaries of those couples who had been married at least 50 years. I think that as time goes on, that kind of acknowledgment is likely to happen at our church as well. I have no problem with acknowledging long life, but I would like to see that acknowledgment–and even celebration–extended to long-lasting marriages, as well.

If you are married, regardless of how long, may your relationship be a shining example of love in what can be a lonely world. If you are single but would like to be married, I would recommend talking to a couple who have a good marriage relationship; they can help you understand what it takes to have a successful marriage.

What’s in a Pronoun?

A couple of months ago, I came across a New York Post article by Chris Nesi about a Virginia teacher who had been fired for refusing to use a transgender student’s preferred pronouns. The student had requested that his teachers use male pronouns when referring to “him” rather than the female pronouns that accorded with her biological sex. Peter Vlaming, the fired teacher, had attempted to accommodate the student by using her chosen name while avoiding using pronouns. However, Vlaming said, “I was wrongfully fired [in 2018] from my teaching job because my religious beliefs put me on a collision course with school administrators who mandated that teachers ascribe to only one perspective on gender identity—their preferred view. I loved teaching French and gracefully tried to accommodate every student in my class, but I couldn’t say something that directly violated my conscience.” Vlaming sued, and six years later, he was awarded a $575,000 settlement by the West Point School Board; the wrongful dismissal has also been expunged from his record. Here’s the link to the article: https://nypost.com/2024/10/02/us-news/va-teacher-fired-for-not-using-trans-students-pronouns-awarded-575k-in-lawsuit/

Notice that Vlaming was not fired because of what he said but because of what he refused to say, a very dangerous precedent. The trans student had attempted to force him to say words that would have violated his conscience. Notice as well that Vlaming attempted to accommodate the trans student by avoiding pronouns altogether. However, that wasn’t good enough. On the other hand, since the $575,000 settlement, the West Point district has aligned itself with state guidelines, which now allow K-12 teachers in Virginia to refer to transgender students by their birth name and gender regardless of their gender identity.

That New York Post article recently came to mind because of President Trump’s executive order for executive-branch employees to remove gender pronouns from their e-mail signatures. Various agencies, such as the CDC, have been told to review email systems such as Outlook and turn off features that prompt users for their pronouns. This is all part of Trump’s efforts to have the government recognize two sexes, male and female. It is also a reaction to DEI, which I have written about previously here in relation to education: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2024/05/02/honors-programs-vs-dei/ as well as here in relation to business: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2024/06/13/the-death-of-dei-in-business/

When I first became aware of this matter of preferred pronouns a few years ago, the focus was on using “they,” “them,” and “their” to refer to a nonbinary individual. However, I did some research and discovered that in the LGBTQ community, there are now literally hundreds of preferred, or nonbinary, pronouns. Examples include ze, zir, ve, vis, and ver. It must be dizzying to try to remember an individual’s preferred pronouns, especially since nonbinary people often change their pronoun preferences according to context. (That last part is according to the UC Davis LGBTQIA Resource Center.)

Speaking of context: I’m a retired ESL teacher, and I can only imagine what it’s like for those students who are trying to navigate this new plethora of pronouns. At my college, we had (and still have) six different levels of ESL. At the lowest level, just teaching students the correct use of basic subject pronouns (I, you, he, she, it, we, they) and object pronouns (me, you, him, her, it, us, them) can be challenging enough. (A side note: my, your, his, her, its, our, and their are adjectives, not pronouns!) Imagine students’ confusion if I were to refer to a nonbinary person as “they” when students know that “they” is plural–except when it’s not! As a teacher, my focus was on use, and here is where I have not seen any discussion; let me briefly explain.

When I’m talking to someone, I use the pronoun “you” to refer to him or her. When I refer to someone else, I almost always use that person’s name, at least initially; if I later refer to the person again, I may or may not use “he” or “she,” depending on the need for clarity. As a teacher, when I called on a student to speak, I would use his or her name. After she was done speaking, I might then say something like, “Good answer, Maria. You understand this very well.” Later, I might say, “A couple minutes ago, Maria told us…” If I referred to Maria yet again, then I would probably use “she” and “her” rather than “Maria” as long as it was clear who I was referring to. Peter Vlaming, the Virginia teacher who was fired six years ago, was simply continuing to use the student’s name, rather than her preferred pronouns. Here’s the point: There is comparatively low-frequency usage of third-person pronouns (he, she, they) in the context of a class or a meeting. In conversation, understandably, the frequency is likely to be higher, especially if you’re talking at length about an individual.

I have spoken with more than one teacher over the past few years who has made the same choice as Peter Vlaming: repeatedly using nonbinary students’ names rather than their preferred pronouns. A side note: Shortly after I retired almost five years ago, I noticed that my former boss had added she/her/hers to her e-mail signature. Perhaps my former employer will someday ask employees to remove those pronouns.

I would say that within the LGBTQ community, if people want to insist on preferred-pronoun usage, then let them do so. However, trying to make others outside that community use a person’s preferred pronouns can create confusion, and not just for second-language learners. In addition, and more importantly for some of us, as Peter Vlaming said, using preferred pronouns can violate our conscience, particularly when a trans woman is demanding to be called “she” or a trans man is demanding to be called “he.”

What does the Bible have to say about all of this? In the very first chapter of the Bible, in Genesis 1:27, the Lord says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” And in Psalm 139:13, David says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” In other words, the Lord has made us the sex we are. While I want to be able to show compassion toward people who identify with the opposite sex (and yes, I know some), at the same time I cannot violate my conscience to meet their preferences and demands. If you are a trans person reading this, my prayer is that you will come to understand that the Lord made you. He will forgive you and transform you in ways you had never thought of if you come to Him in faith and repentance.