What Does Christian Manhood Look Like? (Part 1)

When I was growing up, one of the first images of men I had was through westerns: TV shows like Gunsmoke and books by Louis L’Amour gave me the idea that men were physically strong, unafraid, and comparatively quiet. They worked hard and provided for their families. My father, who was a pastor, also embodied most of these characteristics–although he never owned a gun!

When I was a teen, I added some concepts to my idea of manhood. For example, men were supposed to be sensitive and not afraid to express their feelings. However, these concepts seemed to contradict my earlier images of manhood, and they somehow didn’t feel natural. When I was 20, I became a Christian, and as I grew in my faith, I realized that I needed and wanted to have purpose in my life. I discovered it in Corinthians 10:31, which says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (This applies to all people, not just men!) Once I figured out what I wanted to do for my career–teach English to adults whose first language was not English–I understood my purpose more specifically. At that time, I met the lovely Christian woman who was to become my wife.

My wife and I had known each other as friends before anything romantic developed, so when we got married, we knew each other pretty well. However, I discovered anew that my wife and I were different! For example, when we had conflict, she tended to “pursue” me, whereas I tended to back off. I found myself thinking back to those concepts of manhood I mentioned earlier. Which ones seemed to be in line with Scripture? Not being afraid? Yes. Being physically strong? Neutral. Working hard and providing for my family? Yes, although not to the exclusion of my wife working; we managed to stagger our teaching schedules so that one of us could always be home with the kids. Being comparatively quiet? Not so much. Being sensitive and expressing my feelings? To some degree, yes, because it tended to make my wife feel closer to me. However, there was still something missing.

When I was 40, I joined a men’s group at my church; we studied a Men’s Fraternity manhood curriculum by Robert Lewis together. A year or two later, I was in a class at church with men who all had at least one son; we studied a book called Raising a Modern-Day Knight, also by Robert Lewis. Through the materials I studied and the close fellowship I enjoyed with other Christian men, I gained a much better understanding of Christian manhood, starting with myself and then transferring to how I wanted to raise my son.

Lewis laid out four principles of manhood for us. The first two are more or less two sides of the same coin: a real Christian man rejects passivity, and he accepts responsibility. Lewis talks and writes about two kinds of passivity: social and spiritual. He writes, “For some reason, men of every age become passive when it comes to initiating this action [social and spiritual] in their homes, with their families, and in their communities.” I’m sorry to say that this rang true for all of us men to some degree. Lewis says it’s because of what happened in Genesis 3, when Eve and Adam fell into sin. The second sentence of verse 6 says, “She also gave some [fruit] to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” Notice the phrase “who was with her.” Lewis interprets this as meaning that while Eve was talking with the serpent, Adam was there with her, being passive. Now, I don’t know if this was actually the case or if Adam was with Eve after the conversation, but it is interesting to contemplate. Regardless of the reason, we men agreed that we tend to be passive and, more importantly, that this is wrong because the Bible calls us to be leaders.

In addition to rejecting passivity, then, real Christian men accept responsibility, both socially and spiritually, so that we can be the leaders God has called us to be. What does that look like? In regard to conflict resolution, which I mentioned earlier, I needed to become more proactive; in other words, if something my wife said or did bothered me, I had to talk to her about it. And if the Holy Spirit brought conviction to me about something I had said to her, I needed to apologize and not wait for her to come to me. In regard to raising our kids: basic Christian disciplines like having some kind of devotional time together and taking our families to church are important. However, if we men are not careful, we can start relying on pastors and other spiritual leaders to do our work for us. We need to do what Deuteronomy 6:7 says: “Impress them [these commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 11:19 is a carbon copy of this verse.) In other words, we take advantage of opportunities to impress Christian principles on our kids. For example, when we observe certain behaviors of other people, sometimes good, sometimes bad, we talk to our kids later about them. One caveat: we don’t want to be overly critical of other people, as my kids reminded me more than once! At the same time, we certainly want to teach our kids what’s right and wrong.

In our family, when one of us read something that really struck us in some way, or when we watched a particularly thought-provoking show or movie, we talked about it. Some of this talking was just fun and observational, but it came from a Biblical perspective. My kids are adults now, but when they were teens growing up in our home, I would read a few pages from a Christian book while they were eating dessert. (I ate mine a few minutes later!) This also gave us a good chance to discuss things from God’s perspective.

My wife used to give me an annual “day off” in which she would take the kids somewhere (often her parents’ place) overnight. This allowed me, as we joked, to accept passivity and reject responsibility! The other 364 days of the year, I strived to reject the former and accept the latter. In my next post, I will focus on Lewis’s two other principles of Christian manhood.

How Should We Respond to “God Told Me…”?

In the church today–and sometimes even outside the church–it has become increasingly common to hear someone say, “God told me…” How are we to evaluate these claims of God speaking to people? As with everything, we need to look to the Bible. In other words, is a given claim of God speaking to someone in line with Scripture?

Let’s begin with an easy example. Several years ago, there was an acquaintance of mine who was engaged. He said that God told him that he and his fiancee should move in together–and yes, having sex was implied. I don’t think a seminary degree is necessary to know that this man’s claim was false. Just to be clear, however, I Corinthians 6:18 explicitly contradicts what this man said: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

Another example sounds at first glance like it could be the voice of God. I was once in a Bible study in which we were trying to determine what would be our focus. One day, the leader announced that God had told him we should memorize Scripture. He added that we should recite it to one another for accountability. Now, I don’t think that anyone would deny that memorizing Scripture is a good thing. For example, Psalm 119:11 says, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” However, what happened was that after a couple of weeks, the group moved on to something else. We had done some memorization and recitation, but no one, not even the leader, seemed very enthused about it. So, did the Lord really tell our leader that the group should memorize Scripture and recite it to one another? I don’t think so, because that activity was quickly dropped.

Speaking of church leadership: my wife and I know of a church in which the pastor said that the Lord had told him the church was going to at least triple in size. As a result, an ambitious building program was outlined. Significant money was quickly committed to this project by the congregation. For various reasons, the project never really got under way, and the church (pre-COVID-19) has since shrunk by about 60%. Did the Lord really tell that pastor that his church was going to undergo significant growth? It doesn’t seem likely, and that man has since moved to another state.

There is a very popular book called Jesus Calling, which purports to be the words of Jesus spoken over an extended period of time to the author. I had heard some voices of concern about the book, so I decided to read a few of the pages for myself. Among other things, I noticed the words “peace” and “presence” used over and over again, which by themselves are certainly Scriptural; in fact, each page has Scripture references. It was the absence of other things that I found troublesome. For example, I found nothing about the Lord convicting the author of sin; words like “repentance” and “obedience” were also absent. There was nothing about serving others or telling others about the Lord. In one-star reviews of the book, some reviewers noted these deficiencies as well. Beyond that, I am concerned about a book which is supposedly full of the words of Jesus spoken directly to an individual who for some reason has chosen to share these words with the world.

By now, perhaps you think I am just a naysayer when it comes to answering the question in the title of this post. However, let me give you a very recent example of something that sounds like the Lord’s voice. A friend of my wife posted on Facebook that she felt convicted of spending too much time on Facebook (!), so she is going to do it less. Another similar example is from my own life. My wife and I taught English in China for several years, but we came back to the U.S. sooner than we had originally planned because of aging parents who needed us. During our first year back in the U.S., the only work I had was helping write a science high-school curriculum. I had grown rather discouraged and was trying to figure out what to do next. One day I was pouring out my heart in prayer to the Lord, and although it wasn’t an audible voice, the message I received was something like this: “All of those years in China, you trusted Me. What happened?” Almost immediately, I felt a burden lifted as I acknowledged to the Lord that He was right. (He always is!) I had stopped trusting Him in the U.S. Within two weeks, I had two job interviews at colleges. I got a job offer on the spot from one of them, and the rest, as they say, is history.

The reason that the two examples I mentioned in the previous paragraph–my wife’s friend regarding Facebook and my lack of trust–are similar is that they both involved conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit. If you have never read the Bible all the way through, I recommend that you do so. You will find that issues of sin and disobedience are prevalent, resulting in the Lord’s warning and discipline. You will also find that when God’s people repent and live right, including focusing on serving other people, His blessing will come.

Are there times when God speaks messages of very specific things that He wants His people to do? I know that there are, including times from my own life. I think one of the problems is when people say “God told me…” instead of, for example, something like “I think this is what the Lord wants me/us to do. What do you think?” Regardless of what we believe the Lord is telling us, let’s always test it by Scripture; it’s also wise to get the input of other believers who know us well.

Who Are You to Judge?

This is a question that you’ve probably heard, whether directed at you or someone else; maybe it’s a question that you’ve even asked. It’s a question that I’ve been thinking a lot about in our age of tolerance. Many years ago, a friend told me that his mother-in-law was living with a man who was not her husband. I asked him if she considered herself a Christian, and he said yes. I then asked my friend if he (or his wife) had talked to his mother-in-law about the fact that she was living in sin. He said that he didn’t want to be “judgmental.” I had to ask myself: was I being judgmental in asserting that my friend’s mother-in-law was living in sin?

Matthew 7:1-2 says this: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” If you look at the context of Matthew 7, Jesus goes on to use the humorous illustration of a plank in your own eye and a speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye. Notice our Lord’s words in verse 5: “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” As I thought about these verses, it seemed obvious that it doesn’t mean that we can’t make judgments about right and wrong behavior. As I examined my own heart (“first take the plank out of your own eye”) in the light of this passage and others, it seemed that the difference between judging and being judgmental had something to do with my motive regarding my friend’s mother-in-law. Proverbs 16:2 says, “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.” Proverbs 21:2 is almost a carbon copy: “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” Was I condemning my friend’s mother-in-law, or did I genuinely want her to renounce her sin and live according to the faith that she professed? I don’t remember if I prayed for her at that moment, but I know I did later, and it was something like this: “Lord, if this woman is your daughter, I ask that You would convict her of her sin so that she can live the way that You want her to. If she’s not, I ask that You would draw her to Yourself in saving faith.”

Last year, I read a book with the same title as the title of this post; it was written by Erwin Lutzer. In one of the early chapters, he defines judging as being discerning; in other words, we need to be able to understand what is right and wrong. If this somehow makes you feel uncomfortable, think about this: can you imagine trying to raise kids without teaching them right from wrong? On TV and in movies, I have often heard things like, “Follow your heart. Do what feels right. Everyone has their own truth.” Is that really how we ought to raise our kids? Is that how we want them to make their decisions? Is that how we make our own decisions?

In an early chapter, Lutzer lays out some principles for helping us make discerning, Biblical judgments. The first one is humility, not superiority. This was one of the fundamental problems with the Pharisees of Jesus’ day; they viewed themselves as being superior to the rest of the Jews. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” That is the essence of judging with humility.

Rather than go into detail about Lutzer’s other principles, let me lay them out here, with a brief comment on each:

  • Facts, not presumptions: Let’s make sure we do research, have evidence, and ask questions before making our judgments.
  • Words and actions, not motives: Let’s focus on people’s behavior, not their motives. I would add, however, that it’s important for other people to understand their own motives.
  • Biblical issues, not preferences: Some things are always right, while some are always wrong. Then there are actions (e.g. drinking wine) which are not always right or wrong.
  • Temporal, not eternal judgments: We have the power (even the responsibility) to judge, but not the power to condemn.

One other thing I should add: in I Corinthians 5:12-13, the apostle Paul says, “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.” Sure, I can observe and comment on trends in society as a whole that are sinful, but when it comes to people outside the church, I don’t expect them to live by God’s standards; why would I? However, when it comes to a brother or sister in Christ who is behaving in an ungodly way, we have the responsibility to confront them. Whether it’s me or someone else who confronts a person depends largely on my relationship (or lack thereof) with them. And yes, I have confronted brothers and sisters before. I hope that you will not shirk the responsibility of doing the same.

How Does Science Help Us Understand the Genesis 1 Creation Sequence?

Of all the questions I have wrestled with over the years, this was the very first one, and the biggest. In fact, this goes all the way back to elementary school, call it age nine, and continued for about fifteen more years. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that at such a young age, my question was actually a statement something like this: “The order of creation in Genesis 1 doesn’t make sense.”

Allow me to lay out the days of creation in a somewhat simplified form, like this:

  • Day 1: Creation of light; separation of light from darkness into day and night
  • Day 2: Separation of “waters:” the atmosphere (“sky,” including clouds) from the water-covered Earth
  • Day 3: Separation of dry land from seas; creation of vegetation
  • Day 4: Creation of sun, moon, and stars
  • Day 5: Creation of sea animals and birds
  • Day 6: Creation of land animals and people

Perhaps you have had the same thought that I had even as a young child: everything seems to be in order until Day 4. In other words, how could the sun, moon, and stars (Day 4) be created after light (Day 1) and after vegetation (Day 3)? One teacher (I went to Christian schools) brought to my attention something I found interesting: if you look at the creation days, you can divide them into three pairs, each of which closely relates two days: Days 1 and 4; Days 2 and 5; Days 3 and 6. However, it didn’t answer my question about sequence.

I became a Christian at age 20, but my big question was still unanswered. Then at age 24, I came across a book called The Fourth Day. The author was a Christian astronomy professor, so I eagerly began to devour it. However, I was soon disappointed because the author essentially dismissed Genesis 1-11 as nothing more than figurative language which was not meant to be taken as history! This meant he also dismissed the flood, along with the Biblical account of the origin of different languages. For him, Biblical history began with God’s call of Abraham. Thankfully, there was a footnote in which he dismissively mentioned a book called Genesis One and the Origin of the Earth by Robert C. Newman and Herman J. Eckelmann.

I knew as soon as I began reading this book that I was going to find my answer. So, rather than eagerly devour it, I carefully read it. In the second part of their book, Newman and Eckelmann take us through the first four creation days of Genesis 1 verse by verse, giving a scientific explanation for what was happening on each day. In order to understand this, they suggest adopting the viewpoint of standing on the surface of the early Earth and watching God create. This made sense to me based on the limited scientific knowledge of people at the time Genesis was written.

If you are not interested in the scientific details that absolutely blew me away, you can skip to the next paragraph. However, I will keep this brief and avoid scientific jargon as much as possible. Early in its history, Earth had a very thick cloud cover–basically a greenhouse effect which raised temperatures and caused more water to vaporize. When God created vegetation (Day 3), photosynthesis replaced a significant portion of the carbon dioxide present at that time with oxygen. This lowered the temperature, reduced the cloud cover, and prepared the atmosphere for animals and man (Days 5 and 6).

So, what happened on Day 4? For the first time, the sun, moon, and stars became visible from the Earth’s surface as the cloud cover thinned.  In other words, the sun, moon, and stars had been created prior to Day 4 (which also explains the light on Day 1).  Genesis One gives an account of what an Earth-bound observer would have seen as creation unfolded. 

It is difficult to describe the praise to the Lord that erupted in my heart when I realized my question had been answered; it was quite literally an “Oh, My God” moment. My young faith became immensely strengthened at this revelation after fifteen years of wondering and searching. There is a saying that perspective is everything; in answering this question, that is 100% true!

Three Types of Divine Love

Last month, I wrote a two-part post questioning whether God loves everyone. Here’s a link to Part 1: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2020/06/01/does-god-love-everyone-part-1/ and here’s a link to Part 2: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2020/06/11/does-god-love-everyone-part-2/ To review: after looking at examples from both the Old Testament (pre-flood people and the Amalekites) and the New Testament (Pharisees, false teachers, and godless men), I concluded that no, God does not love everyone. Within the past two weeks, I’ve had two extended conversations with two different people about this topic. These have spurred me to look more deeply into what theologians have written about it.

In last week’s post, I mentioned R.C. Sproul, one of my favorite theologians. He wrote (in Tabletalk magazine, May 2004) about three different kinds of love that God has. The first one is what he calls the love of benevolence, which means good will. We see this phrase in Luke 2:14, when the angels appeared to the shepherds: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” In Ezekiel 33:11, the Lord says, “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live.” R.C. rightly said, “His judgments upon evil are rooted in His righteousness, not in some distorted malice in His character.”

The second kind of love is called the love of beneficence, which is kind actions. For example, Matthew 5:45 says, “He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” When we put together the first two kinds of love, we can see that God’s good will is manifested in kind actions toward all people.

There is a third kind of God’s love that theologians call the love of complacency; because the meaning of this word has changed so much since Jonathan Edwards used it almost 300 years ago, perhaps something like “positional love” would be better. (Thanks to my wife for this term!) This love is the special delight and pleasure that God the Father first of all takes in Jesus and then extends to us who trust and obey Him. Zephaniah 3:17, for example, says, “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Thanks, Dennis Jernigan, for putting this verse to music; that’s what brought it to mind!) Notice that this is also saving love; it is thus conditional and not universal. This third kind of love is shown only to those who are God’s people. In contrast, the first two kinds of love are shown to all people, unconditionally and universally. When I wrote last month about whether God loves everyone, it was in reference to the special, third kind of love.

As I was studying and researching, I thought of the rich young ruler that Jesus spoke to; the encounter is recorded for us in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Mark 10:21-22 says, “Jesus looked at him and loved him. ‘One thing you lack,’ he said. ‘Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.” I was struck by the fact that Jesus loved him. What does that mean? I think it’s very evident when you read the entire account that Jesus had good will toward this man. I think it’s also clear that Jesus loved him in action by taking the time to talk with him; the man also strikes me as very earnest because Mark 10:17 says, “As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him.” Now, did Jesus love him in the third sense, meaning that this earnest young man believed and was saved? It doesn’t appear so because verse 22 tells us that he went away sad. Some have hypothesized that this young man was Mark (the author of this gospel), Joseph of Arimathea, or even the apostle Paul, which would mean that he eventually came to saving faith in Jesus; however, this is only speculation. Ultimately, we will find out in heaven whether this man was saved.

In summary, we can say that God loves everyone in terms of His good will and kind actions toward the entire human race. However, there is a special kind of love that He has only for His people. And I daresay, that is the most important love of all.