To the Remnant

Am I Grieving for Myself or the Deceased?

I’ve always loved reading, primarily fiction, and I have definitely had more time to read since my retirement in 2020. One author I discovered last year is Charles Martin, a Christian whose characters sometimes remain in my mind long after I have finished the book. Some of his books have a reading group guide, including Unwritten. One of the questions in the guide for that book that caused me to pause and think not just that day but over several weeks was this: “Is the act of mourning about the person lost, or the person who is mourning?”

This question stuck with me first of all because it is a very profound one that I had never thought about before. (A point of clarification: ”Grieving” refers to feelings of sadness, while “mourning” refers to the outward expression of those feelings, whether it be through crying, talking, writing… In the context of Martin’s book, “grieving” is probably a more apt word than “mourning,” although they both fit to some degree.) Second, I lost three of my siblings over a period of ten months starting in late 2020. I was responsible for the seemingly endless details related to things like memorial services and estates for two of them; as a result, I “took the time” to mourn, but not necessarily to grieve. Maybe that’s one reason feelings of grief sometimes pop up when I don’t expect them. My wife expressed the same thing several months after her mother died a few years ago; we were having dinner with several people when she suddenly felt overwhelmed with grief, so she excused herself from the table, went into the restroom, and cried.

Like virtually everything, I have thought about Martin’s question through the lens of Scripture, and I have come to a point of clarity. All three of my siblings (plus another who died a few years ago) were Christians, which means they are now in heaven, in the presence of the Lord Himself. When I think about my sister who loved to sing and dance in this life, I think of her doing that in heaven. In this life, she had a mental handicap, but now I wonder, with a kind of awe, what she is like without it, free from its limitations! When I think about my other sister as well as my brother, I remember them when they were healthy in every way, with laughter and good conversation in abundance; I also remember them, however, near the ends of their lives, when both had dementia. I realize that I was grieving for them already because in a very real sense I had already lost them. Now I rejoice as I think of them being free from their dementia in the Lord’s presence. The fact is, I find it impossible to grieve for them! On the other hand, I still grieve sometimes because I miss them, but I look forward to being reunited with them the day the Lord takes me home.

There are other people I have known and loved whose salvation I’m not at all sure about. Some of them are deceased, and some I have lost touch with. For those in the first category, I have grieved for them because they are probably not in heaven; for those who may still be alive, when they come to mind, I pray that they will come to saving faith in Jesus Christ. For those who I know have already died, praying for them is meaningless. Hebrews 9:27-28 says, “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.”

Contrary to these verses, I know there are some who believe that after death, people get a “second chance.” Tony Campolo is a speaker, author, and pastor, some of whose books my wife and I enjoyed early in our marriage. However, several years ago, my wife read a book in which Campolo indicated he thought that at least some deceased people (those who regretted not trusting Christ) would get a second chance to make it to heaven. This is a very dangerous teaching (reminiscent of the Catholic teaching of Purgatory) and is not supported by Scripture; it tends to be believed by people who can’t stand the idea of people they have known and loved being in hell. While I certainly don’t “like” the idea of people I have loved not being in heaven, I know that the Lord is just; people have the opportunity to put their faith in Him as long as they are still alive.

If you have not yet put your faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, my prayer for you is that you will do so today.

Sanctuary Cities vs. Cities of Refuge

The term “sanctuary cities” is well-known by now given the rather extreme problem at our southern border. On the other hand, the term “cities of refuge” is from the Bible and is probably unfamiliar to most people.

Sanctuary cities have been at least somewhat in vogue since the 1980s, but they became much more well-known during Donald Trump’s presidency. Liberal media outlets decried Trump’s deportations of undocumented immigrants, even though President Obama had deported more than Trump. They also railed against his southern border protections, particularly “the wall,” as discriminatory and unnecessary even though he was enforcing existing laws. During the first two+ years of Joe Biden’s presidency, the U.S. essentially had an open border. However, in early October of 2023, just three months ago, Biden quietly resumed the building of the border wall. If you’re not aware of this, it’s because many liberal media outlets either didn’t report it at all or paid little attention to it. Here’s a number that explains the border-wall resumption: in 2023, there were 3.2 million illegal immigrants into the U.S. (a new annual record), which is more than in all four of Trump’s years combined.

In early August of 2022, Texas Governor Greg Abbott began bussing illegal immigrants to other parts of the U.S. as Texas had become overwhelmed by the growing flood of illegals. Democratic-led cities and the liberal media were outraged then, and that outrage continues. Late last month, Chicago Democratic Mayor Brandon Johnson lashed out at Abbott, saying in part, “The governor of Texas needs to take a look in the mirror, with the chaos he’s causing for the people of this country. He is attacking our country!” The hypocrisy is overwhelming: Chicago is a sanctuary city, which means its laws tend to protect undocumented immigrants from deportation or prosecution, despite federal immigration law. In other words, such cities are blatantly illegal in that regard. (Click on this link to see a nation-wide map of sanctuary cities, counties, and states: https://cis.org/Full-Screen-Map-Sanctuary-Cities) Given Chicago’s sanctuary city status, Mayor Johnson should welcome a few thousand undocumented immigrants. However, even though many on the left like to embrace “compassionate” policies, in reality, they often adopt NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) attitudes. In other words, just keep all of those undocumented immigrants down south. This bussing (or in some cases flying) to cities in the northeast, in particular, has been repeated many times, always responded to with the same hypocritical outrage.

A couple of years ago as I thought about our southern border crisis, cities of refuge in ancient Israel came to mind. In Numbers 35:6-28 (in the Bible), the Lord told His people (before they entered the land of Canaan) that six cities were to be designated cities of refuge, three on either side of the Jordan River. To summarize: A man (or woman) who killed someone accidentally (verse 15) could flee to one of these cities until his case was tried in court. If it was determined that it was indeed accidental, then the accused could stay in that city of refuge until the death of the current high priest, at which time he could return to his own property. If he left the city before then and the “avenger of blood” (probably a family member of the dead person) found him, the avenger could kill the accused without being guilty of murder. If a man murdered someone, however, he could not live in a city of refuge, and the avenger of blood was to kill him.

I thought of cities of refuge again very recently when I read about some churches who had declared themselves to be supporters of sanctuary cities; in fact, in some cases they even declared themselves “sanctuaries” in the ancient sense of the word. They used the ancient cities of refuge in Israel as at least part of their justification. However, the fundamental difference between the two should be obvious: as stated before, sanctuary cities (as well as counties and states) are blatantly illegal in relation to federal law. However, cities of refuge in Old Testament Israel were legal; in fact, they were required in Israel’s theocracy in order to protect anyone who accidentally killed someone. Sanctuary cities are designed to illegally protect undocumented immigrants. Furthermore, when immigrants are bussed or flown into so-called sanctuary cities, the leaders of those cities show that they are less than enthusiastic about sharing the Texas burden by receiving them. Neither in terms of legality nor the practicalities of providing for undocumented immigrants do sanctuary cities “work” in the real world, at least not with so many of our hypocritical politicians.

How should we treat undocumented immigrants? When I was an ESL (college) teacher, I had an inkling now and then that a student might be undocumented because they didn’t have a social security number yet. However, my college could, and did, enroll such students anyway. I never thought about “reporting” these students to ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), and even if I had, I wouldn’t have done it. On the other hand, if I had ever been asked by a governmental authority about a given student, I would not have lied, either. The same is true now; if I know someone who is undocumented, I won’t report them, but I won’t lie for them, either. I will help them in practical ways if I can, and I might even be a friend to them!

My wife and I know a man (from Mexico) and his wife (an American). He is an excellent handyman, and while they lived in our city, we hired him to do a good amount of work on my parents-in-law’s house. They no longer live here; it turned out he was here illegally and was “found out.” He now lives in Mexico, and his wife lives in the U.S. with their daughter a few miles across the border. The day may come when he can again live, legally, in the U.S. For now, thankfully, they have stayed together; his daughter and wife can cross the border even though he can’t.

My hope and prayer is that regardless of our politics, we can be compassionate and helpful to those we encounter in our country, even if we suspect they may be here illegally. In that way, we can be a “sanctuary” for them in ways that our politicians can’t, or won’t. And perhaps they will come to faith in Jesus Christ, who will then be their true refuge.

What Men Wish Their Fathers Had Taught Them

I have made it my tradition to write my year-end post about marriage or raising children because my wedding anniversary (35th) is also this time of year. A few months ago, I came across an article by Matt Christensen; 11 men in three different countries, ranging in age from 30-45, responded to the question of what they wish their fathers had taught them when they were little. You can access the article here: https://www.fatherly.com/life/what-i-wish-my-dad-taught-me-when-i-was-little?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us Christensen emphasizes that “the point here is to not dwell on mistakes. Rather, it is to learn about what you might want to prioritize.” I would add that it’s hard to expect a father to teach a son what he hasn’t learned himself. Here are some quotes from each man, with my own brief commentary on each one.

How to Be Present. Adrian, 31, says that he wishes his hard-working father had been able to “be in the present and cherish experiences and family because time is the one thing you can’t get back.” I say a hearty “Amen!” to that as a priority.
How to Know My Worth. Phillip, 37, had an abusive, manipulative father. Among other things, this caused him to wonder if any of his own actions and decisions were the right ones. As an adult, he has been bullied by colleagues. However, he has learned this: “I must cherish and value my own children. I should never mistreat them or allow anybody to make them feel inferior.” I will add more about bullying near the end of this post.
How to Play Guitar. Jim, 45, had a dad who was a musician. Jim thought that was ultra-cool and wanted his dad to teach him. However: “I begged him to teach me how to play the guitar like him, but I wasn’t very good, and he wasn’t very patient. He got frustrated easily and nudged me toward other interests.” I think that regardless of what the specific skill(s) may be that we as dads have, we should pass them on to our sons if they show interest.
How to Fix Things. Scott, 36, had a blue-collar dad who was very mechanically inclined. “If I could go back in time to being a kid again, I would have asked my dad to take time to bring me in on some of his repair jobs.” I’m not very mechanically-minded, but how to change a tire comes to mind because that is something I know how to do; I have done it for myself as well as others.
How to Set Goals. Erik, 40, says, “Breaking big goals into smaller tasks can make a big difference in how kids deal with challenges. If I knew this earlier, I would have been more motivated and faced difficulties with more confidence.” I hadn’t really thought about this a lot as a dad in my younger years, but this priority manifested itself a few years ago when my wife and I talked to our college-graduate son about why he should move out on his own. (He had gone to college in another state but moved back home for a few months.) He agreed “100%” with what we said and is now flourishing in his own community in another state, including church.
How to Care. Joshua, 30, had a father who was on the road a lot. He says, “My kids will know that I’m interested in what they like, how they think, and the people they are going to become. And my wife will know I support her in whatever she does.” Amen to that!
How to Connect with People. John, 31, says, “I want [my boys] to understand that making friends and keeping them close is just as important as acing a test or scoring a goal.” For sure, and it also applies to connecting with your wife!
How to Let Certain Things Roll off Me. Michael, 40, says, “Sometimes the things other people say and do make us change how we do something or what we think about something, which has interfered with my life quite a bit.” I would add that on the one hand, we don’t want to be “people-pleasers;” on the other hand, there are definitely important things that I have learned from other people, especially Biblical principles.
How to Problem-Solve. Trevor, 40, had a dad who was a problem-solver. However: “He wanted to fix the problem, whether it was a broken appliance or hurt feelings, rather than explore it or help us learn about it.” I would simply add that it takes time to teach others how to “fix,” whether it’s a machine or a damaged relationship, but that time is more than worth it.
How to Nurture My Inner Child. Phil, 45, says, “When I stop and think of other adults as basically kids on the inside, with the same insecurities and fears that I have, it’s a lot easier for me to have patience and compassion for them.” I don’t know if having insecurities and fears means you’re a “kid” on the inside, but I will say that increasing maturity lessens them. Also, empathy is a very strong point of connection with others.
How to Manage Money. Patrick, 45, says, “I wish my dad had taught me about stocks and investing when I was young. He rarely talked about money or his work as a director at a large financial institution.” As I mentioned before, we as dads should pass on the skills we have to our sons; that would include money management.

Earlier in this post (under the second wish), I mentioned bullying; this is something I wish my father had taught me how to handle. It took me a while, but I eventually realized that bullies want an easy target; not showing fear but standing up to them is usually effective. My son was bullied a couple of times growing up, and I have also passed this advice on to another boy (now a man) that I know. At the same time, I acknowledge the prevalence of cyberbullying, which is less easily dealt with and something I have never had to handle.

I think the most common factor in the wishes of all 11 of these men is that teaching our sons takes time; that should be obvious, but actually doing it is another matter. I think that we dads would like our sons to be able to learn from us primarily by observing our example, but that’s not enough. I have previously written about what Christian manhood looks like; click here for Part 1 if you’re interested: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2020/08/26/what-does-christian-manhood-look-like-part-1/ At the end of that post, there’s a link to Part 2.

For all of you mothers and mothers-to-be out there: although this post is about fathers and sons, I think that these are principles you can apply as well.

Here’s to a blessed 2024 for each of you!

A Tale of Two Christmas-Light Extravaganzas

Christmas season is truly my favorite time of year, for multiple reasons. One of them is Christmas-light displays. My wife and I sometimes walk around our neighborhood at night, enjoying our neighbors’ displays; we also have a modest display of our own.

In another part of our city, there is an area known as Christmas Tree Lane. Although Christmas-light displays are not exactly mandated, it is understood that everyone living there is expected to put up lights, at a minimum, and perhaps additions like a giant corpulent Santa with reindeer. Some of the residents add various kinds of moving parts, such as elves at work. Many add various kinds of sound effects, including Christmas music, some of which is secular (but fun!) as well as some hymns. Some residents include large word displays; again, some of them are secular or neutral, while others are explicitly Christian, such as “Jesus is born!” At a nearby park, you can have free hot cocoa as well.

Walking through Christmas Tree Lane is a wonderful experience, no matter your age. Part of my enjoyment of it is hearing young kids’ voices, most of them oohing and aahing in wonder. All in all, it is an experience that takes me out of the ordinariness of everyday living; it is, in fact, often worshipful.

Last year, a large church in our community held their own Christmas-light extravaganza. My wife, daughter, and I decided to take a drive-through (the only way possible) “tour.” Shortly after we entered the church property, a woman came along the line of cars, collecting $5 from each driver. As we inched along in winding fashion, there were many trees decorated with creative light displays. We had also been instructed to tune to a designated FM frequency for a combination of narration and Christmas music. One thing I noticed early on was that most of the songs were secular; in the end, I counted seven secular songs and two Christian ones. As for the narration: there were several trivia questions, such as “Which country do candy canes come from?” We were also told that church services there were “not boring, but fun!”

Afterwards, as we reflected on the experience, my wife commented that overall, it was not a very worshipful experience; that summed it up well. I had thought of it as an opportunity for that church to tell people something about the true meaning of Christmas, but frankly, there was precious little of that. I decided to call that church a couple of days ago to see if they were doing the same thing this year. The secretary told me that this year, they had decided to do an indoor “Christmas village” event instead. I was glad to hear that, and later, I looked online for more info. Among other things, the event includes free cocoa, an indoor light show, ornament making, and cookie decorating. Thankfully, there will also be “a very special Christmas message.”

I don’t know if that church decided to do something different this year based on feedback from last year, but this year has the potential to be something better. Besides the aspects I have already alluded to from last year’s event (largely-secular music and narration), I think one of the intangible reasons for this year’s potential–at least from my viewpoint–is the opportunity to actually interact with people, unlike at last year’s event. That one reminded me of the strong tendency of people in my community to use the drive-through lane, especially at restaurants, but also at places like Starbucks, which I had thought of as the quintessential place to walk in and enjoy coffee–maybe even talking with people in the process! COVID exacerbated this drive-through tendency, and it is obvious that some people have decided to stick with it. I also realized that in contrast, walking through (rather than driving through) Christmas Tree Lane is one of the things I love about it.

As you enjoy the many aspects of this Christmas season–including Christmas lights!–with your loved ones, may you above all experience the peace and joy that only Jesus Christ can give!

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If you’re interested in previous posts related to Christmas, check these out:

https://keithpetersenblog.com/a-christmas-quiz/ (This is a Christmas quiz.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/unpacking-the-theology-of-a-christmas-hymn/ (This is about the incredible theology packed into the hymn “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/the-foolishness-of-christmas/ (This is about how the Christmas message is foolishness to non-Christians, but the saving power of God to Christians.)

One Way

Back in 1978 when I started college and was not yet a Christian, I saw a poster that looked a lot like this: https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/JESUS-ONE-WAY-by-CalliopeSt/33625995.E40HW?ref_list_id=srp_results&ref_list_index=4 You’ll notice the “One Way” sign pointing up, along with the first six words of John 14:6. I thought of this recently because of a conversation between my wife and a friend. More on that in a bit.

The full verse (John 14:6) reads like this: “Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” Over the years, I have heard (and read) many people question this; nowadays, some say things like, “That’s so exclusive!” Yes, it is, and it is particularly offensive to some in our era of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion). I’ve also heard something like this more than once: “But that’s so narrow-minded!” Here’s what Jesus says in Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” There is a sense in which Christians are “narrow-minded” because yes, we believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven. We also understand that this way, or road, is not an easy one, particularly in the face of a culture that is increasingly hostile to Christianity.

While I would expect atheists, agnostics, and adherents of other religions not to accept what the Bible says, I find it very disturbing that 57% of American evangelicals responded “Yes” to the following question: “Are there many religions that lead to eternal life?” This was back in 2008, so my guess is that the percentage is now even higher. You can read more about this research here: https://keithpetersenblog.com/2020/05/07/how-many-christians-are-there-in-the-united-states/

At the outset, I referred to a recent conversation between my wife and a friend of hers. This friend, while not a regular churchgoer, had said and done things over the years that caused those who knew her to assume that she was a Christian. However, she recently posted something to the effect that we can please God on our own, without Jesus to save us. When my wife tried to engage her in conversation about it, she asked my wife not to comment on her “philosophical” posts, saying that my wife already knows what she believes and feels.

One thing that struck me about this exchange was my wife’s friend’s use of the word “philosophical,” rather than “religious,” for example. Another thing that struck me was her also asking my wife not to comment on her public posts of that nature; I would say that if you don’t want someone (anyone?) to comment on your thoughts, then don’t make them public! My wife, of course, will no longer do so. On a deeper level, after talking about this with her, my guess is that her friend’s belief has a lot to do with the grief that she has experienced over the years. I can easily understand that when a loved one who is not a Christian dies, there is a strong sense of hopelessness regarding that person. I can also understand how that could lead to wondering if there is another way to heaven, independently of Jesus. Regardless of exactly what is going on in her heart and mind, for the moment, all that my wife and I (and some other believers) can do is pray for her; right now, she is on a much broader but very dangerous road.

Christmas is less than a month away. I am very much looking forward to my family being together soon and everything that goes with it, including wonderful meals, laughter, game-playing, time out in the Lord’s creation, Christmas lights, presents, and much more! I suppose some may find it a bit strange that I am writing a post like this now. If so, I would remind all of us (certainly including myself) that in spite of what our culture may try to tell us, Christmas is all about Jesus Christ. He is truly the One Way, the Only Way, to heaven. If you are not yet a believer, my prayer is that this will be the season you come to know Him as your Savior and Lord.