Two Big Wins for Detransitioners and Kids

Last week, Fox Varian, a 22-year-old woman who had identified as a boy when she was a teen and had a double mastectomy, won a $2 million decision in a landmark lawsuit. Two doctors, psychologist Kenneth Einhorn and surgeon Simon Chin, had been accused of pressuring her to have the surgery when she was 16; a jury found them liable for medical malpractice. Varian’s lawyers put the primary blame on Einhorn, saying he was “putting the idea in her head” that she needed to change her gender with surgery.

Varian’s mother, Claire Deacon, testified that she was against the surgery, but agreed to it out of fear her daughter would commit suicide. “I think it was a scare tactic. I don’t believe it was malice, I think he believed what he was saying — but he was very, very wrong,” she said. The jury ruled that Einhorn and Chin did not take appropriate steps before suggesting the life-altering surgery.

Fox Varian is among a growing group of people called detransitioners, referring to people who had previously transitioned to the opposite sex but then transitioned back to their original biological sex. One thing that especially jumped out at me in this story is the statement by Fox’s mother that she was afraid her daughter would commit suicide if she did not have the double mastectomy. This fear has been promulgated by research which suggests that suicide rates are higher for those who are denied so-called “gender-affirming care.” There is other research which suggests the opposite: that suicide rates are higher for those who have surgically transitioned to the opposite sex. My guess is that over time we will find the latter to be true because people who are so unhappy that they have gender-altering surgery will not find happiness in their altered gender, at least not in the long run. Some detransitioners have expressed regret, for example, that they will never be able to have children. Thankfully, in most cases they are more at peace now than they had been before transitioning in the first place; this is at least in part because they have come to understand the roots of their gender dysphoria (meaning distress or impairment related to a strong desire to become the opposite sex).

In addition to the Fox Varian story, I noticed another one that has so far received less attention but which is also significant: The American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) board of directors now recommends that “gender-affirming surgeries” be delayed until a patient is at least 19 years old. While this is “professional guidance,” not a legal decision, it is highly significant. It is also obviously not coincidental that this “guidance” came out a mere four days after the $2 million verdict for Fox Varian.

There are currently 28 other lawsuits in the works that have been brought by other detransitioners; we can expect many more similar lawsuits moving forward. I am not generally in favor of lawsuits, but this is an area where I think they are needed; the threat of such a lawsuit will have a chilling effect on other medical practitioners who might otherwise pressure people into having such surgeries. A good psychologist or psychiatrist, for example, would dig deeply into the reasons that a person has gender dysphoria and would suggest options other than sex-reassignment surgery.

The primary reason this professional guidance from the ASPS is so significant is that on average, 80% of minors who to some degree identify as the opposite sex change their minds before adulthood. You will find other research which suggests a much lower percentage, which has at least partly to do with having gender dysphoria vs. being gender-nonconforming. The latter is much more common and has to do with behavior that differs from societal gender norms, while gender dysphoria is a psychological disorder. Even a girl who is what we used to call a “tomboy” is now called “gender-nonconforming” by some. The point is that most kids who show a behavior typically associated with the opposite sex eventually grow out of it. Additionally, those who at some point “identify” as the opposite sex grow out of that as well. Thus, even minors with gender dysphoria should be urged to wait until they are at least 19 before considering sex-reassignment surgery.

Since this blog is devoted to Biblical answers to questions and issues, let’s look at what the Bible says. You don’t have to look very far because Genesis 1:27 says this: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” God is the Creator, and He is the One Who makes people as well. Psalm 139:13 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  Even people who have sex-reassignment surgery cannot change who they are in the most fundamental way, at the depths of their being.

If you are reading this and identify to some degree as the opposite sex, my prayer for you is that you would come to know the One Who made you the way you are, including your biological sex. Jesus Christ is the only One Who can give you the contentment you desire.

Why Some People Think Heaven Will Be Hellish

In American culture, some people have strange ideas about what heaven will be like. One popular image is of a person (with wings and a halo) sitting on a cloud and strumming a harp. Even among churchgoers, there are misconceptions, including the idea that in heaven, the only thing we’ll be doing is singing praises to the Lord. While that will certainly be an important part of heaven, the idea that it will be our sole activity sharply diminishes the wonderful reality of what it will be like.

I recently came across an article from a few years ago by psychologist and writer Valerie Tarico about why she thinks heaven will actually be hellish. I will list her ten reasons here, with a brief rebuttal to each.

  • Perfection means sameness. Tarico says, “Perfect means finished and complete. It means there’s no room for improvement—for change and growth.” This quote reflects a misunderstanding of the word “perfect,” which in the Bible means “without sin.” She also ignores the wonderfully unique personalities which we have here, and which believers will also have in heaven.
  • Your best qualities are irrelevant. Tarico rightly says that in heaven, forgiveness will no longer be needed. She also says that compassion, generosity, creativity, courage, resilience, decisiveness, and vision will be useless. I will not attempt to address each of these, but the Bible is very clear that we will have work to do in heaven. What that work will be, I don’t know, and it won’t be the same for everyone. However, I have no doubt it will require creativity and vision, both of which we will have.
  • Gone is the thrill of risk. Tarico mentions jumping out of airplanes and surfing as examples of activities that produce an adrenaline rush in life here. I think that, as Randy Alcorn and Michael Youssef have written, there will be plenty of other activities that will give us unbridled joy and wonder. They have written, for example, that we will be able to easily visit other planets and explore; now that would give me an adrenaline rush! Admittedly, this is speculation, but we won’t need the “thrill of risk” in order to exult in experiences that we’ve never had before.
  • Forget physical pleasures like food, drink, sleep, and sex. The Bible is very clear in Revelation 19 that we will be eating and drinking in heaven! Whether we will sleep or not is something we don’t know, but it doesn’t seem likely that our glorified bodies will need it. Regarding sex: since there will be no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), we will not experience the wonder and pleasure of sexual union with a spouse. However, there will be so much else to occupy us that we won’t miss it!
  • Free will ceases to exist. By this, Tarico means that we will no longer have the option to sin; in this, she is right, and thank God! However, the idea that we will no longer have the option to make any choices is simply not true.
  • 98% of Heaven’s occupants are embryos and toddlers. Tarico cites researcher Greg S. Paul, who suggests that if we include the unborn, more than 98% of heaven’s inhabitants would be embryos and very young children. First of all, I believe that unborn children and children of (at least) believers (and maybe also of unbelievers) who die too young to comprehend the Gospel will be in heaven. In 2 Samuel 12:23, after David’s child with Bathsheba dies, David says, “Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” This indicates that David would see his child again in heaven and, I believe, gives us assurance that when young children of believers die, we will see them again. However, I don’t think that they will be at that preborn or young child stage in heaven. Alcorn speculates that everyone will be in the “prime of life,” roughly around the equivalent age of 30; admittedly, this is only speculation. As for the 98% figure: I’m not interested in probing exactly how the researcher came up with that number. However, I disagree sharply with Tarico’s contention that “the vast majority of the heavenly host would be moral automatons or robots.”
  • Gems and streets of gold define heavenly wealth and beauty. While it is true that there will be “gems” and streets of gold in heaven, to say that they will “define heavenly wealth and beauty” reflects a profound misunderstanding of the new heaven and earth. In Revelation 21:1-3, John sees the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God. Alcorn says (I believe rightly so) that we will literally have heaven on earth. I enjoy being in nature like nothing else, and I love to imagine what wonders the Lord will create on the new earth!
  • Take your pick of sadism or ignorance. By this, Tarico refers to the response of those in heaven to those in hell. “Either the faithful are blessedly blissfully indifferent to the endless suffering of the damned, or their joy depends on them being unaware, meaning ignorance is a condition of their eternal bliss.” When I think of people in hell now, I don’t gloat (which she also suggests some will do), but I think of God’s justice; they rejected Him here, so God rejects them there. I think that we will have that same understanding in heaven, but that we won’t dwell on it.
  • Your celestial day (and night) job is to sing God’s praises. I referred to this in the intro since even some churchgoers have this misconception. It should be clear by now that heaven will be so much more than this. “It has been said that the only god worthy of worship is one who neither wants nor needs it,” says Tarico. First of all, like many people, including Christians, Tarico has a misconception of worship, thinking that it is only singing to God. However, worship is everything we do that is pleasing to God. Second, God doesn’t need our worship; He deserves it, which is profoundly different!
  • This heaven goes on forever. Like most of us, Tarico can’t imagine eternity. The fundamental problem is that our thinking about it is always clouded by our sin. When I think about those who desire immortality here, on this earth, I am repulsed. I don’t want eternity on this earth in this body and mind, always tainted by sin. On the other hand, when I think about being in heaven, having no ability or desire to ever sin again, I rejoice!

I understand that for an unbeliever like Tarico that it is impossible to comprehend what the eternal home of believers will be like. This is in spite of the fact that she is a “former fundamentalist Christian,” which is a misnomer; there is no such thing as a “former Christian,” since we cannot lose our salvation. Speaking of: I have prayed for her, that she will turn to Jesus Christ in saving faith.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you probably have some idea of how much I am looking forward to heaven. If you are a believer that I will never meet face to face on this side of eternity, I look forward to meeting you on the other side. If you are not a believer, I pray that you will investigate the claims of Christianity; you may find and experience, as I have, peace and joy, as well as the answers to your questions.

Adventures in Premarital Counseling

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our 37th anniversary. We never had the benefit of premarital counseling (PMC), which was not very widespread back in the 1980s; in fact, I hadn’t even heard of it at that time, and our church didn’t provide it. Thankfully, however, it has become much more common in the last 30 years. In fact, for those couples who want to be married by a pastor, a majority of American churches have now made PMC a requirement.

Much of PMC is done by pastors, including at my own church. However, some churches have a well-developed program and curriculum that incorporates lay leadership; this used to be true of my previous church. One of my pastors there trained me to take premarital couples through a personality test (the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis) as well as a questionnaire assessment called the Prepare/Enrich. The church had well over 2000 members at that time, and the number of couples (usually young and never married) getting married there was initially 20-30 per year; over time, as our church started shrinking (which included a change in church leadership), that number went down to 6-8 per year. After I went over the two tests with the couple, I would “hand them off” to a mentoring couple; we had a list of about ten, including my wife and myself. The premarital couple could request a specific couple in the church but were never shown a list. The mentoring couple would then take the premarital couple through an 8-part curriculum (developed by one of our pastors) covering the areas of finances, communication and conflict resolution, spiritual leadership, and more.

The first time that a premarital couple met with the mentoring couple, they would be asked (using a five-phrase “scale”) where they were in terms of their physical relationship. If they were currently sleeping together, they would have to agree to stop. If they refused to agree, the process would stop, and the church would not marry them. In the majority of cases, the couple was not sleeping together, and there was only one couple (over the ten years that I was part of the process) that refused to stop sleeping together; the mentoring couple reported to me that this couple got up and left, never to return! They probably got married elsewhere in our city, but since ~70 churches here had agreed to require premarital counseling, that couple would have had a hard time finding a pastor to marry them.

Some of the premarital couples seemed to regard PMC as a “hoop” to jump through. However, I discovered that most of them took it seriously. Here are some couples that stand out in my memory.

  • The woman breaks down in tears multiple times while I’m going over the two tests with them. In fact, at one point, she leaves the room for a few minutes. The man looks rather bewildered, but I tell him that all couples have their strong displays of emotion at times. (I don’t tell him that in all my years of doing this, that I had never seen someone walk out!) When she comes back, we finish going over the tests. A few months later, after completing the premarital process, they get married, and they are still together 20+ years later!
  • The woman becomes quiet after a while, giving short responses to my comments and questions, while the man is more talkative. I decide to finish going over one test with them and then leave the other one for another day. When they walk in for the second time the next day, they are carrying three cups of coffee. I thank them for the coffee, but it is obvious that they have been in conflict; the atmosphere is quietly tense between them. We manage to finish going over the second test; the mentoring couple that I assign them to tells me later that the young man and woman hadn’t known each other very long (which I knew already), so the premarital process would be especially important for them.
  • The man and woman get into an argument right in front of me; thankfully, they face each other and don’t, for example, do any name calling. After a couple minutes, the man looks at me and asks rather challengingly, “Are you here just to listen to us argue, or do you have some insight?” I tell the woman that her intended is often not looking for a solution to a problem but just wants to be heard. He nods (whew!), and we continue with the tests.
  • A couple is obviously in conflict before we even start going over the first test; this continues throughout both tests. Later, I talk to my wife about this couple, telling her that this couple is “a conflict waiting to happen.” In spite of (or was it because of?!) this, we agree to mentor them. We take them through the eight-part curriculum, and they decide they are not ready to get married. I suppose some people might regard that as a “failure,” but my wife and I thought exactly the opposite; PMC had shown this couple that they weren’t ready to get married–and it was their decision not to at that time. Several years later, however, we found out they did get married!
  • While I’m going through the tests, the woman reveals that she doesn’t want to have kids; however, her intended does want to. My wife and I mentor them, and during the process, the man says that he wants to marry her even if they never have kids. However, after they have been married a couple years, she changes her mind; they now have three kids!
  • I had never asked a couple about abuse, but there was something nagging at me about this young woman; I had the strong impression that she had experienced it at some point in her life. I take a deep breath after finishing the tests and ask her if she has ever experienced physical abuse. She breaks down, and they tell me that yes, she had experienced it in a previous relationship. The next day, the man sees me at church, and he thanks me for bringing that up the day before; he says it will help his intended heal.
  • My family and I are preparing to take our two kids (13 and 10 at that time) for a few weeks to the Third World country where my son was born; I have secured a summer teaching contract there, and we want our kids to experience living in that country. A few days before we leave, I am going over the tests with a couple, and unbeknownst to me, they were told by one of our pastors that my family and I are leaving the country in a few days. Even though they are only 18 (just graduated from high school!) and 19, they are remarkably mature; they express their thanks to me for meeting with them, and they say that they will pray for me and my family. I feel like I’m going to cry.

One thing that is probably no surprise is that conflict was a common aspect of the premarital couples that I met with over the years. That, in fact, is the wisdom of requiring premarital counseling; couples can get a good start in learning how to deal with conflict before they get married. By God’s grace, my wife and I have been blessed in our marriage, but we would definitely have benefited from PMC 37+ years ago! If you are not married but plan to get married, I recommend that you and your intended get PMC, regardless of whether it is required or not. You will be glad that you did.

Unpacking the Theology of Yet Another Christmas Hymn

Depending on your church background and tradition, you may be familiar with the word “Advent,” which means “arrival.” It refers to Jesus’ birth, which we celebrate at Christmas, as well as His second coming in the future. It includes the concept of preparation for His arrivals as well.

My church has been focusing on Advent, which in several church traditions begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas and ends on Christmas Eve; that means Advent has 25 days this year. One of my favorite Christmas hymns, “Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus,” is sometimes referred to as a hymn of Advent. It was written by Charles Wesley in 1744; two additional verses were written in 1978 by Mark E. Hunt. In this post, I will focus only on the two original verses, giving my own attempted exegesis of them.

Come, Thou long-expected Jesus, (Jesus, we’d been waiting for your prophesied arrival for a long time.)
Born to set Thy people free; (You came to Earth as a baby to set us free from sin.)
From our fears and sins release us, (You have released us from all our sin, including all of our fears.)
Let us find our rest in Thee. (In You, we have the peace we long for.)
Israel’s strength and consolation, (You were the Source of strength and comfort to your people Israel when You came, even though most didn’t recognize You.)
Hope of all the earth Thou art; (You were, and are, the Hope of not only Israel, but of all peoples of the whole Earth.)
Dear Desire of every nation, (You are the Savior we have needed and desired.)
Joy of every longing heart. (You are the Joy of everyone who has longed for You.)

Born Thy people to deliver, (You were born to deliver us from sin.)
Born a child, and yet a King, (Even though You were born as a baby, You were, and are, our King.)
Born to reign in us forever, (You came not just to be our Savior, but to be our Lord forever.)
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring. (Your kingdom is now present in the hearts of those who believe, and one day You will establish it physically and for all eternity.)
By Thine own eternal Spirit (By the Holy Spirit, which You sent us after You ascended to heaven)
Rule in all our hearts alone; (Teach us how to follow You as our Lord and King.)
By Thine all-sufficient merit (You are the only One worthy to receive our praise and worship.)
Raise us to Thy glorious throne. (One day, You will give eternal life in heaven to all who have trusted You.)

There are at least three different tunes to this hymn; I prefer the tune and the version by Maranatha, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a-wK5ecMoM It’s a solo and has an ethereal quality to it that I love. I also like the images and the added Bible verses in this video very much.

May this hymn bring peace and joy to your soul. Merry Christmas!

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If you’re interested in my previous posts related to Christmas, check these out:

https://keithpetersenblog.com/a-christmas-quiz/ (This is a Christmas quiz.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/unpacking-the-theology-of-a-christmas-hymn/ (This is about the incredible theology packed into the hymn “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/the-foolishness-of-christmas/ (This is about how the Christmas message is foolishness to non-Christians, but the saving power of God to Christians.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/a-tale-of-two-christmas-light-extravaganzas (This is a comparison of two very different Christmas-light displays in my city a couple years ago.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/2024/12/12/unpacking-the-theology-of-another-christmas-hymn/ (This is about the theology packed into the hymn “O Holy Night.”)

Does God Care Who Wins?

After Indiana University beat Ohio State University on Saturday to win the Big Ten football championship, quarterback Fernando Mendoza said in a post-game interview, “I want to give all the glory to God.” Two nights later, after the LA Chargers beat the Philadelphia Eagles in OT on a game-saving interception by safety Tony Jefferson, he said, “All glory to God!” Houston Texans quarterback C. J. Stroud habitually gives credit to Jesus Christ after big wins, most recently over the Kansas City Chiefs, when he said, “It all goes back to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and to be able to glorify His name.”

There are many other examples of athletes giving glory to God after big wins. I love to hear athletes give credit to God after winning; in fact, as I’ve written elsewhere, my purpose in life is to give glory to God. I don’t doubt their sincerity, and when the athlete is from one of my favorite teams, I love it even more! However, it has caused me to think about how Christian athletes react to losses; we don’t hear from them as often after those because, of course, most of the post-game interviews immediately after games are with the winners, not the losers. The aforementioned C. J. Stroud usually takes accountability after losses and has said more than once how a loss can serve as a “wake-up call” to him and his teammates. I love to hear that rather than athletes who play the blame game, whether it’s blaming the officials, “dirty plays” by the opposition, or (much less often) teammates or coaches. When it comes to the Christian life, taking responsibility and being accountable are incredibly important, and not just in sports.

As a fan, I admit that pretty much all I care about–at least in the moment–is that my team wins! However, I’ve noticed that some fans seem to take it to extremes. Sometimes when a camera is panning the crowd, I see fans with their hands clasped together in what looks a lot like a posture of prayer, especially right before a big play at the end of a tight game. Are they actually praying that their team will win? I don’t know, but I hope not; I don’t believe God cares who wins and loses. I think what He cares about in the context of the game is good sportsmanship, regardless of the outcome; that’s why I like to see athletes from opposing teams embracing or shaking hands after the game.

One thing I should add regarding fan behavior is that there is something I’ve noticed less of in the last several years, thankfully: fans bowing with arms outstretched, over and over, when an athlete makes a great play; that’s very dangerous as it looks a lot like idol worship.

Looking beyond sports: There are plenty of people who have written and spoken about the value of losses in all areas of life. I think most Christians–certainly including myself–have found that some–but not all–of the greatest spiritual growth comes when we are experiencing tough times; for myself, I want to learn what the Lord is trying to teach me in a given situation. And regardless of my circumstances, I want to remember to give thanks in all of them (1 Thessalonians 5:18) rather than complaining, as I’ve given examples of elsewhere.

When we who are Christians “lose,” whether in sports or some other area of life, I hope that we are able to focus on how the Lord wants to bring us to greater spiritual maturity: if not in the moment, then over time. Ultimately, in the great spiritual battle that has been going on since the beginning of time, we are on the winning side because Jesus has already won. After living a perfect life, culminating in His crucifixion, Jesus rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, ensuring our final victory. One of my favorite contemporary Christian songs regarding this battle is “You’ve Already Won” by Shane & Shane; you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJWc4rP-D8c

If you do not yet know Jesus Christ, this month is a great time to find out more about Him, as Christmas is almost here. This is the time of year when we celebrate the wondrous mystery of the incarnation: Jesus’ coming into the world as a baby. If you are not part of a church, I would encourage you to find one where God’s Word is preached and check it out.