Why Some People Think Heaven Will Be Hellish

In American culture, some people have strange ideas about what heaven will be like. One popular image is of a person (with wings and a halo) sitting on a cloud and strumming a harp. Even among churchgoers, there are misconceptions, including the idea that in heaven, the only thing we’ll be doing is singing praises to the Lord. While that will certainly be an important part of heaven, the idea that it will be our sole activity sharply diminishes the wonderful reality of what it will be like.

I recently came across an article from a few years ago by psychologist and writer Valerie Tarico about why she thinks heaven will actually be hellish. I will list her ten reasons here, with a brief rebuttal to each.

  • Perfection means sameness. Tarico says, “Perfect means finished and complete. It means there’s no room for improvement—for change and growth.” This quote reflects a misunderstanding of the word “perfect,” which in the Bible means “without sin.” She also ignores the wonderfully unique personalities which we have here, and which believers will also have in heaven.
  • Your best qualities are irrelevant. Tarico rightly says that in heaven, forgiveness will no longer be needed. She also says that compassion, generosity, creativity, courage, resilience, decisiveness, and vision will be useless. I will not attempt to address each of these, but the Bible is very clear that we will have work to do in heaven. What that work will be, I don’t know, and it won’t be the same for everyone. However, I have no doubt it will require creativity and vision, both of which we will have.
  • Gone is the thrill of risk. Tarico mentions jumping out of airplanes and surfing as examples of activities that produce an adrenaline rush in life here. I think that, as Randy Alcorn and Michael Youssef have written, there will be plenty of other activities that will give us unbridled joy and wonder. They have written, for example, that we will be able to easily visit other planets and explore; now that would give me an adrenaline rush! Admittedly, this is speculation, but we won’t need the “thrill of risk” in order to exult in experiences that we’ve never had before.
  • Forget physical pleasures like food, drink, sleep, and sex. The Bible is very clear in Revelation 19 that we will be eating and drinking in heaven! Whether we will sleep or not is something we don’t know, but it doesn’t seem likely that our glorified bodies will need it. Regarding sex: since there will be no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), we will not experience the wonder and pleasure of sexual union with a spouse. However, there will be so much else to occupy us that we won’t miss it!
  • Free will ceases to exist. By this, Tarico means that we will no longer have the option to sin; in this, she is right, and thank God! However, the idea that we will no longer have the option to make any choices is simply not true.
  • 98% of Heaven’s occupants are embryos and toddlers. Tarico cites researcher Greg S. Paul, who suggests that if we include the unborn, more than 98% of heaven’s inhabitants would be embryos and very young children. First of all, I believe that unborn children and children of (at least) believers (and maybe also of unbelievers) who die too young to comprehend the Gospel will be in heaven. In 2 Samuel 12:23, after David’s child with Bathsheba dies, David says, “Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” This indicates that David would see his child again in heaven and, I believe, gives us assurance that when young children of believers die, we will see them again. However, I don’t think that they will be at that preborn or young child stage in heaven. Alcorn speculates that everyone will be in the “prime of life,” roughly around the equivalent age of 30; admittedly, this is only speculation. As for the 98% figure: I’m not interested in probing exactly how the researcher came up with that number. However, I disagree sharply with Tarico’s contention that “the vast majority of the heavenly host would be moral automatons or robots.”
  • Gems and streets of gold define heavenly wealth and beauty. While it is true that there will be “gems” and streets of gold in heaven, to say that they will “define heavenly wealth and beauty” reflects a profound misunderstanding of the new heaven and earth. In Revelation 21:1-3, John sees the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God. Alcorn says (I believe rightly so) that we will literally have heaven on earth. I enjoy being in nature like nothing else, and I love to imagine what wonders the Lord will create on the new earth!
  • Take your pick of sadism or ignorance. By this, Tarico refers to the response of those in heaven to those in hell. “Either the faithful are blessedly blissfully indifferent to the endless suffering of the damned, or their joy depends on them being unaware, meaning ignorance is a condition of their eternal bliss.” When I think of people in hell now, I don’t gloat (which she also suggests some will do), but I think of God’s justice; they rejected Him here, so God rejects them there. I think that we will have that same understanding in heaven, but that we won’t dwell on it.
  • Your celestial day (and night) job is to sing God’s praises. I referred to this in the intro since even some churchgoers have this misconception. It should be clear by now that heaven will be so much more than this. “It has been said that the only god worthy of worship is one who neither wants nor needs it,” says Tarico. First of all, like many people, including Christians, Tarico has a misconception of worship, thinking that it is only singing to God. However, worship is everything we do that is pleasing to God. Second, God doesn’t need our worship; He deserves it, which is profoundly different!
  • This heaven goes on forever. Like most of us, Tarico can’t imagine eternity. The fundamental problem is that our thinking about it is always clouded by our sin. When I think about those who desire immortality here, on this earth, I am repulsed. I don’t want eternity on this earth in this body and mind, always tainted by sin. On the other hand, when I think about being in heaven, having no ability or desire to ever sin again, I rejoice!

I understand that for an unbeliever like Tarico that it is impossible to comprehend what the eternal home of believers will be like. This is in spite of the fact that she is a “former fundamentalist Christian,” which is a misnomer; there is no such thing as a “former Christian,” since we cannot lose our salvation. Speaking of: I have prayed for her, that she will turn to Jesus Christ in saving faith.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you probably have some idea of how much I am looking forward to heaven. If you are a believer that I will never meet face to face on this side of eternity, I look forward to meeting you on the other side. If you are not a believer, I pray that you will investigate the claims of Christianity; you may find and experience, as I have, peace and joy, as well as the answers to your questions.

Adventures in Premarital Counseling

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our 37th anniversary. We never had the benefit of premarital counseling (PMC), which was not very widespread back in the 1980s; in fact, I hadn’t even heard of it at that time, and our church didn’t provide it. Thankfully, however, it has become much more common in the last 30 years. In fact, for those couples who want to be married by a pastor, a majority of American churches have now made PMC a requirement.

Much of PMC is done by pastors, including at my own church. However, some churches have a well-developed program and curriculum that incorporates lay leadership; this used to be true of my previous church. One of my pastors there trained me to take premarital couples through a personality test (the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis) as well as a questionnaire assessment called the Prepare/Enrich. The church had well over 2000 members at that time, and the number of couples (usually young and never married) getting married there was initially 20-30 per year; over time, as our church started shrinking (which included a change in church leadership), that number went down to 6-8 per year. After I went over the two tests with the couple, I would “hand them off” to a mentoring couple; we had a list of about ten, including my wife and myself. The premarital couple could request a specific couple in the church but were never shown a list. The mentoring couple would then take the premarital couple through an 8-part curriculum (developed by one of our pastors) covering the areas of finances, communication and conflict resolution, spiritual leadership, and more.

The first time that a premarital couple met with the mentoring couple, they would be asked (using a five-phrase “scale”) where they were in terms of their physical relationship. If they were currently sleeping together, they would have to agree to stop. If they refused to agree, the process would stop, and the church would not marry them. In the majority of cases, the couple was not sleeping together, and there was only one couple (over the ten years that I was part of the process) that refused to stop sleeping together; the mentoring couple reported to me that this couple got up and left, never to return! They probably got married elsewhere in our city, but since ~70 churches here had agreed to require premarital counseling, that couple would have had a hard time finding a pastor to marry them.

Some of the premarital couples seemed to regard PMC as a “hoop” to jump through. However, I discovered that most of them took it seriously. Here are some couples that stand out in my memory.

  • The woman breaks down in tears multiple times while I’m going over the two tests with them. In fact, at one point, she leaves the room for a few minutes. The man looks rather bewildered, but I tell him that all couples have their strong displays of emotion at times. (I don’t tell him that in all my years of doing this, that I had never seen someone walk out!) When she comes back, we finish going over the tests. A few months later, after completing the premarital process, they get married, and they are still together 20+ years later!
  • The woman becomes quiet after a while, giving short responses to my comments and questions, while the man is more talkative. I decide to finish going over one test with them and then leave the other one for another day. When they walk in for the second time the next day, they are carrying three cups of coffee. I thank them for the coffee, but it is obvious that they have been in conflict; the atmosphere is quietly tense between them. We manage to finish going over the second test; the mentoring couple that I assign them to tells me later that the young man and woman hadn’t known each other very long (which I knew already), so the premarital process would be especially important for them.
  • The man and woman get into an argument right in front of me; thankfully, they face each other and don’t, for example, do any name calling. After a couple minutes, the man looks at me and asks rather challengingly, “Are you here just to listen to us argue, or do you have some insight?” I tell the woman that her intended is often not looking for a solution to a problem but just wants to be heard. He nods (whew!), and we continue with the tests.
  • A couple is obviously in conflict before we even start going over the first test; this continues throughout both tests. Later, I talk to my wife about this couple, telling her that this couple is “a conflict waiting to happen.” In spite of (or was it because of?!) this, we agree to mentor them. We take them through the eight-part curriculum, and they decide they are not ready to get married. I suppose some people might regard that as a “failure,” but my wife and I thought exactly the opposite; PMC had shown this couple that they weren’t ready to get married–and it was their decision not to at that time. Several years later, however, we found out they did get married!
  • While I’m going through the tests, the woman reveals that she doesn’t want to have kids; however, her intended does want to. My wife and I mentor them, and during the process, the man says that he wants to marry her even if they never have kids. However, after they have been married a couple years, she changes her mind; they now have three kids!
  • I had never asked a couple about abuse, but there was something nagging at me about this young woman; I had the strong impression that she had experienced it at some point in her life. I take a deep breath after finishing the tests and ask her if she has ever experienced physical abuse. She breaks down, and they tell me that yes, she had experienced it in a previous relationship. The next day, the man sees me at church, and he thanks me for bringing that up the day before; he says it will help his intended heal.
  • My family and I are preparing to take our two kids (13 and 10 at that time) for a few weeks to the Third World country where my son was born; I have secured a summer teaching contract there, and we want our kids to experience living in that country. A few days before we leave, I am going over the tests with a couple, and unbeknownst to me, they were told by one of our pastors that my family and I are leaving the country in a few days. Even though they are only 18 (just graduated from high school!) and 19, they are remarkably mature; they express their thanks to me for meeting with them, and they say that they will pray for me and my family. I feel like I’m going to cry.

One thing that is probably no surprise is that conflict was a common aspect of the premarital couples that I met with over the years. That, in fact, is the wisdom of requiring premarital counseling; couples can get a good start in learning how to deal with conflict before they get married. By God’s grace, my wife and I have been blessed in our marriage, but we would definitely have benefited from PMC 37+ years ago! If you are not married but plan to get married, I recommend that you and your intended get PMC, regardless of whether it is required or not. You will be glad that you did.

Unpacking the Theology of Yet Another Christmas Hymn

Depending on your church background and tradition, you may be familiar with the word “Advent,” which means “arrival.” It refers to Jesus’ birth, which we celebrate at Christmas, as well as His second coming in the future. It includes the concept of preparation for His arrivals as well.

My church has been focusing on Advent, which in several church traditions begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas and ends on Christmas Eve; that means Advent has 25 days this year. One of my favorite Christmas hymns, “Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus,” is sometimes referred to as a hymn of Advent. It was written by Charles Wesley in 1744; two additional verses were written in 1978 by Mark E. Hunt. In this post, I will focus only on the two original verses, giving my own attempted exegesis of them.

Come, Thou long-expected Jesus, (Jesus, we’d been waiting for your prophesied arrival for a long time.)
Born to set Thy people free; (You came to Earth as a baby to set us free from sin.)
From our fears and sins release us, (You have released us from all our sin, including all of our fears.)
Let us find our rest in Thee. (In You, we have the peace we long for.)
Israel’s strength and consolation, (You were the Source of strength and comfort to your people Israel when You came, even though most didn’t recognize You.)
Hope of all the earth Thou art; (You were, and are, the Hope of not only Israel, but of all peoples of the whole Earth.)
Dear Desire of every nation, (You are the Savior we have needed and desired.)
Joy of every longing heart. (You are the Joy of everyone who has longed for You.)

Born Thy people to deliver, (You were born to deliver us from sin.)
Born a child, and yet a King, (Even though You were born as a baby, You were, and are, our King.)
Born to reign in us forever, (You came not just to be our Savior, but to be our Lord forever.)
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring. (Your kingdom is now present in the hearts of those who believe, and one day You will establish it physically and for all eternity.)
By Thine own eternal Spirit (By the Holy Spirit, which You sent us after You ascended to heaven)
Rule in all our hearts alone; (Teach us how to follow You as our Lord and King.)
By Thine all-sufficient merit (You are the only One worthy to receive our praise and worship.)
Raise us to Thy glorious throne. (One day, You will give eternal life in heaven to all who have trusted You.)

There are at least three different tunes to this hymn; I prefer the tune and the version by Maranatha, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a-wK5ecMoM It’s a solo and has an ethereal quality to it that I love. I also like the images and the added Bible verses in this video very much.

May this hymn bring peace and joy to your soul. Merry Christmas!

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If you’re interested in my previous posts related to Christmas, check these out:

https://keithpetersenblog.com/a-christmas-quiz/ (This is a Christmas quiz.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/unpacking-the-theology-of-a-christmas-hymn/ (This is about the incredible theology packed into the hymn “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/the-foolishness-of-christmas/ (This is about how the Christmas message is foolishness to non-Christians, but the saving power of God to Christians.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/a-tale-of-two-christmas-light-extravaganzas (This is a comparison of two very different Christmas-light displays in my city a couple years ago.)

https://keithpetersenblog.com/2024/12/12/unpacking-the-theology-of-another-christmas-hymn/ (This is about the theology packed into the hymn “O Holy Night.”)

Does God Care Who Wins?

After Indiana University beat Ohio State University on Saturday to win the Big Ten football championship, quarterback Fernando Mendoza said in a post-game interview, “I want to give all the glory to God.” Two nights later, after the LA Chargers beat the Philadelphia Eagles in OT on a game-saving interception by safety Tony Jefferson, he said, “All glory to God!” Houston Texans quarterback C. J. Stroud habitually gives credit to Jesus Christ after big wins, most recently over the Kansas City Chiefs, when he said, “It all goes back to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and to be able to glorify His name.”

There are many other examples of athletes giving glory to God after big wins. I love to hear athletes give credit to God after winning; in fact, as I’ve written elsewhere, my purpose in life is to give glory to God. I don’t doubt their sincerity, and when the athlete is from one of my favorite teams, I love it even more! However, it has caused me to think about how Christian athletes react to losses; we don’t hear from them as often after those because, of course, most of the post-game interviews immediately after games are with the winners, not the losers. The aforementioned C. J. Stroud usually takes accountability after losses and has said more than once how a loss can serve as a “wake-up call” to him and his teammates. I love to hear that rather than athletes who play the blame game, whether it’s blaming the officials, “dirty plays” by the opposition, or (much less often) teammates or coaches. When it comes to the Christian life, taking responsibility and being accountable are incredibly important, and not just in sports.

As a fan, I admit that pretty much all I care about–at least in the moment–is that my team wins! However, I’ve noticed that some fans seem to take it to extremes. Sometimes when a camera is panning the crowd, I see fans with their hands clasped together in what looks a lot like a posture of prayer, especially right before a big play at the end of a tight game. Are they actually praying that their team will win? I don’t know, but I hope not; I don’t believe God cares who wins and loses. I think what He cares about in the context of the game is good sportsmanship, regardless of the outcome; that’s why I like to see athletes from opposing teams embracing or shaking hands after the game.

One thing I should add regarding fan behavior is that there is something I’ve noticed less of in the last several years, thankfully: fans bowing with arms outstretched, over and over, when an athlete makes a great play; that’s very dangerous as it looks a lot like idol worship.

Looking beyond sports: There are plenty of people who have written and spoken about the value of losses in all areas of life. I think most Christians–certainly including myself–have found that some–but not all–of the greatest spiritual growth comes when we are experiencing tough times; for myself, I want to learn what the Lord is trying to teach me in a given situation. And regardless of my circumstances, I want to remember to give thanks in all of them (1 Thessalonians 5:18) rather than complaining, as I’ve given examples of elsewhere.

When we who are Christians “lose,” whether in sports or some other area of life, I hope that we are able to focus on how the Lord wants to bring us to greater spiritual maturity: if not in the moment, then over time. Ultimately, in the great spiritual battle that has been going on since the beginning of time, we are on the winning side because Jesus has already won. After living a perfect life, culminating in His crucifixion, Jesus rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, ensuring our final victory. One of my favorite contemporary Christian songs regarding this battle is “You’ve Already Won” by Shane & Shane; you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJWc4rP-D8c

If you do not yet know Jesus Christ, this month is a great time to find out more about Him, as Christmas is almost here. This is the time of year when we celebrate the wondrous mystery of the incarnation: Jesus’ coming into the world as a baby. If you are not part of a church, I would encourage you to find one where God’s Word is preached and check it out.

Hunger for the Word of God

With Thanksgiving just a couple days away, I’ve been thinking about what I’m most thankful for this year. What came to mind almost immediately is a man at my church who recently came to faith in Christ. Since then, he has shown a strong desire for the Word of God.

In the Sunday school class that I teach, we had recently finished a series and were ready to embark on a new study. When I asked the group to let me know if there was a particular book of the Bible they wanted to study, this new brother said he wanted to study Romans, which we’ve been doing now for a few weeks. After our class studied and discussed Romans 1, he wrote, “This makes me long for our next study [class] together.” After our most recent class (studying Romans 5), he wrote some specific things he had learned in that chapter. Like everyone, I appreciate words of encouragement, but truly, one of the things that makes this Sunday school class “go” is the wonderful discussion that always ensues, and that is very largely due to my brothers and sisters in the class.

As I thought about my brother’s hunger for God’s Word, I thought of three other individuals. One of them is a sister at our church who came to faith in Christ a few years back. In various contexts and various ways, she has expressed that same hunger for God’s Word. One notable example is at a couple’s fellowship that my wife and I are also a part of. The leader had said that we were running out of time one evening in our Bible study, and this sister said, “Oh, I would be fine with continuing!”

A third person who came to mind is a student I had about forty years ago while I was teaching in a Third World country. She had recently come to faith in Christ, and after a brief dry spiritual period, she wrote, “My hunger for the Word is greater than you can imagine.”

A fourth person is a friend of my wife from many years ago. Lisa had recently become a Christian and asked my wife if she could teach her something about the Bible. She attended church regularly and was part of a Bible study that my wife also attended. Even as a new believer, Lisa had a lot of insights into the Bible.

In addition to these four individuals, a large group of people came to mind: believers living in the country(side) of the same Third World country that my wife and I taught in many years ago. There were not many open churches at that time, but they were always very crowded on Sunday mornings, including by believers who got up very early (4:00-5:00 A.M.) in order to get there in time for the beginning of the service. And even so, they sometimes had to sit in pews or on chairs that extended out the open side of the building–if they got a seat at all. This is one primary reason why my wife and I did not attend more than once: two people would give up their seats for us, no matter how hard we tried to refuse. (Our fellowship was with other expatriates in the city.)

Another example of this spiritual hunger is the same large group of believers. During those years, itinerant preachers would go to villages in the country(side); they would stay for a couple days in a given community before moving on. We heard stories about how they would preach hour after hour, sometimes for essentially a whole day, and the villagers would soak it in. Some of them were presumably not believers, but it didn’t seem to matter in terms of their interest.

There are some verses in the Bible that speak to this kind of strong spiritual hunger. One of them is Jeremiah 15:16: “When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.” Another example is Psalm 119:103, which says, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Here’s what Peter says in 1 Peter 2:2-3, clearly referring to believers who are very young in their faith: “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.” On the other hand, for those who are more mature in the faith, the writer of Hebrews says (in Chapter 5:14), “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

One thing you may have noticed regarding the four individuals I wrote about is this: all of them were new believers at the time they expressed their hunger for God’s Word. And in fact, all of them came from non-Christian environments. In contrast, I grew up in a Christian household and went to church twice every Sunday; I also went to Christian schools (grades 1-12 plus my first four years of college). However, I didn’t become a Christian until age 20, and I didn’t read the Bible the whole way through for the first time until I was 26. I remember thinking again and again as I was reading, “I remember that story!” I’m thankful for the spiritual upbringing I had, and I am so thankful that over the years, I have had so many of my big questions answered. I can’t say I have ever had the kind of intense hunger for God’s Word that these brothers and sisters have expressed, but I do enjoy studying God’s Word.

For those of you reading this who are my brothers and sisters in Christ: Regardless of where you are in your walk with Him, may you never stop reading God’s Word and growing in Him; may the same be true of me. And for you who do not know Christ, I pray that you will read God’s Word and discover what we believers have discovered: God’s Word is true, and therefore, He can be trusted. He will give you the kind of peace and joy that Romans 5 describes.

Have a most wonderful Thanksgiving with the ones you love!